


Deliver Us From Evil

by ExplicitContent



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Cult Business, Gore, Humor, It's Quite A List, M/M, Mental Instability, Smut, vulgarity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-12-14 16:51:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExplicitContent/pseuds/ExplicitContent
Summary: Robert had moved here for a new start - a new life, away from the baggage of his past. But as a wise man once said, you can't escape the past, no matter how hard you tried. It would always find you. Clawing at your legs as you tried to run, devouring your soul as you slept. It wasn't something you could just...leave behind.Why had he even moved? It was definitely more effort than it was worth, but - he couldn't stand that house any longer. Too many memories stained into those walls. It was a slow suffocation, one he couldn't bare any longer. So, he'd left for Maple Bay as soon as possible. Talking to people wasn't something he generally liked to do, but there was something about Joseph...that he just couldn't stay away from.





	1. Strange Occurrences

**Author's Note:**

> Starts three years before the game.  
> Joseph is a demon cult leader.  
> Robert is an unaware single dad.  
> Crish will be in it, he just hasn't been 'made' yet.  
> Enjoy this journey through hell, which is surprisingly more humorous than you would've thought.  
> -  
> Requests welcome - If it's your birthday, or you just want a pick-me-up, message me with a one-shot of your choice, and maybe you'll get lucky.

Light streamed in through the window, cascading unevenly across the dark wooden floor. It was too early for this, he thought, rolling over and almost accidentally rolling off the couch in the process. _Shit_. Robert sat up, grunting as a sharp, extremely uncomfortable pain coursed through what felt like the entirety of his head. _Fuck_. He had fallen asleep on the couch again. It had been a regular occurrence ever since…

He couldn’t bear to sleep in that bed, alone. He guessed it had followed him even after the move last night. That house had been suffocating. There was no other way. So, he’d just up and moved, not really thinking about the location, or the view. Just knowing that he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

Although, he had only been here a night, he already hated it. His daughter, Val, weighing heavily on his mind. Robert couldn’t count the times he had picked up the phone, and dialled her number, willing himself to take the last step, to reach out to her. But it always ended with the phone being strewn across the floor. He glanced at his phone, in pieces on the ground. He’d have to buy a new one.

Robert shrugged on his jacket, and headed for the door. The scent of cigarette smoke, and bad life decisions clinging to him, as he stepped out into the fresh morning air. The birds were tweeting loudly, causing his head to bang, and honestly, he felt like they were mocking him. He swiftly flipped them off, ignoring the strange looks from passers-by. Who the hell were they to tell him he couldn’t tell the birds to fuck off?

Robert took a deep breath, and looked at the watch on his wrist, squinting at it. Yes, he concluded, it was still broken. He licked his dry lips, craving one thing and one thing only – his feet seemed to move without him.

There was only one place he could get booze this early.

‘ _The strip_ ’ as he liked to call it, had four shops in total, in a single line, with a large car park in front. A computer repair store, a liquor store, a sex shop, and a normal grocery store. Naturally, the place he was looking for, was the liquor store. That rhymed, but he hadn’t meant it to.

When he got there, the store was completely empty, as he suspected it would be at eight in the morning. He was probably the only person this committed to alcoholism, and that was saying something. He wasn’t quite sure whether that was something to be proud of, but he didn’t really care, as he handed the tired looking cashier a twenty.

Robert sat down on the edge of the pavement outside the store, overlooking a nice, scenic car park. That was a lie. The car park was shit. But, hey, it was better than drinking in his cold, dim living room. He took a sip from the wine bottle he had just purchased, the familiar taste of satiated regret caressed his tongue, and he willingly savoured it.

The only solace he could ever seem to find was at the bottom of a bottle. It didn’t matter which bottle, as long as it was filled with something strong, and preferably whiskey.

“Drinking this early?”

Robert looked up when he heard a voice, squinting through the morning light. A blonde haired, blue eyed, chipper looking man stood beside him, car keys in hand. Robert hadn’t even noticed him pull up, he must be really zoned out. He looked down at the extremely obvious brown paper bag that could _only_ be holding an alcoholic beverage, and smirked childishly as he looked up at the man.

“Oh _this_? This is just cranberry juice.”

The man huffed out a laugh, and pocketed his keys, before sitting on the pavement beside him – officially entering Roberts personal space. Robert did not like it when people did that, which they tended to do, a lot. “Well, mind if I have some?”

Robert couldn’t tell whether or not the man was joking, and honestly, he wanted to say ‘no, get your own’, but in the interest of remaining civil, he found himself passing the bottle along. The man raised the bottle slightly in thanks, before taking a long, drawn out sip.

“I didn’t peg you for a drinking man.” Robert said, as the man handed the bottle back to him. He looked far too preppy to hang out in bars, so he must be the sit at home, wine in front of the Tv kinda guy.

The man laughed again. His laugh was light – soothing even, and Robert, strangely, found himself quite enjoying the sound of it.

“And I didn’t peg you for someone who likes to share, but I guess we’re both wrong.” He winked comically, before extending a hand. “I’m Joseph, by the way.”

Robert was slightly taken aback by his overbearing demeanour, but decided to take Josephs hand, and give it a firm shake. Josephs hand was soft, and warm, and he became acutely aware that he hadn’t touched another person in an extremely long time. “Robert.” He replied, swallowing dryly. He hadn’t talked to another person in a while either, so his communication skills weren’t yet in full effect.

He let go of Josephs hand, and returned the greeting, by taking a long sip from the bottle. Good stuff. “So, ‘Joseph’, what are you doing here? You into computers? Or are you here for the sex shop?”

Joseph gave a hearty chuckle at this. “If I told you, I wouldn’t be mysterious, would I?”

Robert said nothing, and took another _long_ sip, eyes fixed on Joseph. Mysterious, huh? With his charming face, and perfect hair, mysterious wasn’t really the first word that came to mind.

“I haven’t seen you before, are you new here?” Joseph asked after a moment of silence, a quizzical expression dawning his handsome features.

Robert grunted, before nodding curtly. “Yeah, just moved to the cul-de-sac down the road.”

Josephs face lit up at this, and he smiled widely. “Well, I guess that means we’re neighbours.”

Robert eyed the man with slight suspicion, anxiety raking at his mind. “Small world…” He dug a smushed cigarette packet out of his jean pocket, and pulled out a cigarette, resting it between his lips. “Want one?” He asked, trying his best to be polite, as well as he could with a cigarette currently blocking his mouth hole.

Joseph paused for a second, seemingly in contemplation, before abruptly standing up. “No... I shouldn’t.” He dusted himself off briskly. “My wife hates it when I come home smelling of smoke.” He laughed. “Is yours the same?”

Robert swiftly lit his cigarette, and pocketed the lighter, taking a long drag before replying. “She probably would if she were still alive.”

Josephs eyes widened. “Oh…I’m…sorry…I didn’t…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Robert cut him off, taking another long drag as his eyes grazed the mostly empty car park. “I’m over it.”

“Sorry.” Joseph thread his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

“It’s fine, really.” Robert stood, taking one last drag, before dropping the cigarette on the pavement, and putting it out with his boot. “I should go. Been hanging around too long.”

Joseph nodded awkwardly. “Right, right.” Before starting to walk back to his car. “Oh, wait.” He stopped, and turned. “I’m having a cookout tomorrow for the neighbours, you should stop by and meet them. There’ll be lots of drink and food.”

Robert stroked his chin, not at all liking the promise of social interaction. But free food did sound good. “I’ll…think about it.”

Joseph smiled. “Alright, well, I hope to see you there. It starts at three pm.”

The pavement seemed duller on the walk back to his house, greyer even. He could only equate it to being in the presence of someone so bright and inviting. Happy, even. The complete opposite of himself. Although it could have all been an act, that was a likely theory.

No one could be that excited about life.

His house was dark, curtains still closed from when he’d first got here. He probably wasn’t going to open them any time soon. Robert chugged the rest of the wine, finishing it, before dumping the bottle on the floor with all the others. He was racking up quite the collection.

He ended up falling asleep on the couch. Again. When he awoke, it was dark outside. No light to invade his humble abode, just how he liked it. Robert wondered briefly if Val had called him while his phone was broken, but he doubted it, as he stood, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. Was it sad that he already knew where the nearest bar was?

The neon sign of ‘Jim and Kim’s’ illuminated through the darkness, and loud voices could be heard from inside. Robert entered, already feeling at home, as he kicked up on one of the stools by the bar. _Quick access_. The place was pretty packed, drunk people slouching over most things, and laughing overzealously at each other’s jokes.

“Whiskey, straight up.” Robert nodded towards the bartender, who swiftly made his drink, and slid it over to him. “So…are you Jim or Kim?”

“Neil.” Said Neil, sporting the expression of someone who had been asked that question many times before.

“Neil…” Robert said slowly, savouring the word before taking a long sip of whiskey. “I like it.”

The game was playing on the flat screen Tv in the corner, above the pool table. He wasn’t quite sure what game, or who exactly was playing it, but he found himself lost in the screen. It wasn’t until he heard the bar stool creak beside him that he was brought back to reality. He turned to find a middle-aged woman sitting beside him, hair tousled, and wine glass in hand, only the last dregs of a red liquid left at the bottom.

“Hey, sailor.” Her voice was loose, and seductive – she was clearly drunk. “Mind buying a gal a drink?”

Robert stared at her unblinking, a little jostled by the flash confrontation. He took another sip of whiskey. “I think you’ve had enough.”

“Says who?” She replied, pouting sulkily as her head tilted to the side. She sounded like she was asking a genuine question.

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Says that fact that you can barely keep yourself upright.”

“Well, I thought you looked like fun.” She said, curtly. “But I guess I was wrong.”

“Fun is knowing when to stop drinking.” Robert smirked, placing his now empty glass on the counter. “Although I’ve never been one for ‘fun’.”

The woman paused for a second, studying him, before waving over the bartender. “A shot for me and my buddy here.” She seemed to sober up almost immediately as she said this. Clearly, she meant business.

The bartender, that was neither Jim nor Kim, placed two shots of whiskey on the table in front of them, and nodded once. The woman had asked him to buy her a drink, and had ended up buying him one instead. He liked this turn of events.

The woman downed her shot, and Robert did the same, savouring the way the liquor scorched his throat. They both sat in silence for a while, before Robert waved over the bartender yet again. “Another round.”

The bartender nodded and placed another two shots of whiskey in front of them. They both downed the shots, like before. A silent treaty had been made between them, and the uncomfortable atmosphere soon turned to one of familiarity.

“Mary.” Said the woman, although it sounded more like a statement than a name.

“Robert.” Robert replied, wanting nothing more than to down another shot. But common sense told him to pace himself. Him and common sense had a love – hate relationship.

“So, you new here?” Mary asked, grabbing a bottle of water from her bag, and uncapping it.

Robert grunted in response, this was the second time he’d been asked that today. He hoped it wouldn’t become a habit. “Yeah, just moved.”

“Well, if its gossip you want, I’m your gal.” Mary smirked, chugging the water, as droplets fell from her chin. She only barely avoided spilling it all over herself.

Robert laughed. “Any gossip about local cryptids?”

“Cryptids? You mean like Bigfoot, and all that jazz?” Mary asked with a bemused expression.

“In a general sense.” Robert replied, feeling dehydrated in the presence of water.

“Well…” Mary started, eyes swiftly scanning the room. “I might have something for you.”

Robert sat up slowly, interest piqued. “I’m listening.”

Mary put the cap back on the water bottle, and chucked it into her bag. Her expression was serious now. “You ever heard of ‘The Dover Ghost’?”

“Can’t say I have…” Robert frowned, the arm that had been resting on the counter slowly going numb. But for some reason, he couldn’t move, as his eyes met Mary’s intense ones.

“It’s an old myth around here, some would say more of a ‘legend’.” Mary explained, unblinking. “People have claimed to hear things in the woods up by the creek. Mangled cries, and such. You know. The usual.”

If anyone were watching them right now, it would look like they were having an extremely strange staring contest, where the rules weren’t really clear.

“Anything…else?” Robert asked, eyes and ears glued to Mary.

Mary leant in slightly, eyes scanning the room again, as if she were looking for someone, or some _thing_. “One person even claimed to have seen what they described as ‘a humanoid-like figure, dragging something dead through the woods’.”

Robert blinked, heart pounding.

And then, suddenly, Mary let out a roar of laughter, hands gripping her knees. “Aha…ahh…I really had you going there, didn’t I?” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

Damn, he should’ve known it was too good to be true. Robert smirked, in an attempt to recover. “I’ll admit, you had me for a second.”

“A second?” Mary said in faux bewilderment. “Your entire body was shaking.”

“Fine…” Robert sighed in defeat, his pride rolling away faster than his last car, when he had forgotten to turn his wheels towards the pavement after parking on a surprisingly steep hill. “You had me completely.”

Mary sniggered. “Lying is a sin, you know?” She winked, before proceeding to stand up, teetering slightly as she found her feet. “Well, I’m off. An attractive man just walked in, and momma needs a new piece of meat. See ya around, cryptid hunter.”

And with that, she was gone.

It was only his second day, and he had already met two extremely strange, yet utterly intriguing people. He couldn’t believe his luck. But, as luck always tended to do, it would probably end up backfiring on him. Which, he wasn’t looking forward to.

Robert left the bar in the early hours of the morning, stopping briefly at a pizza place. Twenty-four-hour pizza joints were truly a drunkard’s dream. He ordered a large Hawaiian pizza, and headed for home. The hot, tangy goodness caressed his mouth as he collapsed onto the couch. Pineapple was truly the best pizza topping, and no one could convince him otherwise.

Once he had pretty much devoured the entire pizza, he decided he couldn’t be bothered to get up, and even though he had spent most of the day sleeping, he fell asleep on the couch. _Again_.

 

* * *

 

When Robert woke up, it was light outside, and he had an uncomfortable ache in the middle of his back, that was currently distracting him from the immense hangover he was soon to experience. He grunted, and fished beneath the couch cushions, pulling out a smushed can of some foreign alcoholic beverage, and chucked it across the room. He really needed to tidy up, and stop throwing things on the floor. But that was for another day.

Robert glanced at the clock, noticing that it was, in fact, around noon, and the light, even though shielded by a thick curtain, managed to hurt his eyes. Fuck. His entire body ached with regret. A feeling he had come to know quite well over the course of his life.

Wasn’t that cookout today? He cringed. Shit, he felt like he’d gotten into a fight with a goddamn moving train.

Robert definitely did not want to go and make pleasant conversation with strangers. There’s nothing he hated more than ‘small talk’, and he was pretty sure the cookout would be full of it. But, unfortunately for his head, he was mildly interested in meeting Joseph again, and hell, even make some new friends. Although he wasn’t even sure he wanted ‘friends’, but what else was he supposed to do until the bar opened? Plus, there was gonna be free food. He’d be a fool to pass up the promise of free food.

Robert took a quick shower, and changed – back into the clothes he had been wearing, because laundry wasn’t something he wanted to do generally, and he didn’t have that many clothes to begin with. He brushed his teeth, sprayed on some deodorant, and did what most people did when they were getting ready for something. Now, clean – mostly, he grabbed his jacket, and left the house.

Where did that guy say his house was? Oh, right, he didn’t. Guess he’d have to just figure it out himself. It couldn’t be that hard, could it?

There were eight houses in the cul-de-sac, including his, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to find one, preppy guys house. Robert scanned the houses, looking for any inkling that a cookout slash family event was currently going on. He heard voices and laughing from the large house opposite his own. It was light, and cheery, with a large anchor above the door. Yeah, this seemed like a house that guy – Joseph would live in. Robert knocked the door, once, twice, then waited. And waited.

_And waited_.

But no one answered. Huh. Robert was about to knock again, wondering if maybe he’d picked the wrong house, when the door opened, revealing a scrawny looking blonde kid. The kid, who he assumed was Josephs judging by the overall _look_ , said nothing, and just stared at him. One of those creepy, soul-searching stares that made you feel like they were looking right through your very being. It was extremely unsettling, and he had a sudden, strong urge to leave and never return. But, swallowing back his fear, he smiled a smile, the friendliest smile he could muster at three in the afternoon while sporting a killer hangover.

“Hey… _kid_. Is Joseph here, by any chance?” Robert said, attempting to meet the boy’s eyes, but after a few failed attempts, he settled for the middle of the forehead.

The kid still said nothing, not even giving him a slight nod, as he turned and disappeared into the house, leaving the door wide open. Robert raised an eyebrow, debating whether or not to step inside. After a few minutes of awkwardly standing outside, he decided to go in. The interior was decorated with bright colours, mostly blues and whites, with an overall sea theme going on. The floor was pristine, not a bottle or can in sight. He should probably take notes. It was extremely tidy, and honestly, amazingly well kempt. In other words, Josephs house made his house feel inadequate.

Robert walked into the large, strangely empty kitchen. He didn’t doubt that it was a bad idea to enter someone else’s house without their consent, but they were neighbours, so technically, he had a free pass. _Right?_ He briefly wondered if that would hold up in court, before he heard loud footsteps coming towards him. He was tempted to hide, but that would only make him look more suspicious. He’d just explain the situation, it would be fine, it wasn’t like he broke in or anything.

“Mary?” Robert said, taken aback as she walked in. He definitely did _not_ expect to see her here, it didn’t seem like her scene – but then again, it wasn’t his either.

Mary was clearly surprised to see him, almost dropping the empty glasses she was currently holding. She composed herself quickly though, and placed them neatly on the kitchen counter, before looking him straight in the eye. “Don’t say a word.”

And just as she said that, Joseph walked into the kitchen. He was almost as surprised as Mary had been to see him, but the surprised expression was soon replaced with one of eager anticipation. “Robert, so glad you could make it.” He smiled widely, placing a hand on Marys shoulder. “This is my wonderful wife, Mary. And Mary, this is Robert, our new neighbour.”

_Wife_. The word clung to his brain like dust. Robert attempted to keep his expression neutral, eyes fixed only on Joseph. He’d only been here two days, and he was already getting involved in something he did not want to be a part of.

“Charmed.” Said Mary, unwavering, as she walked over to the cabinet, taking out a bottle of red wine. “I’ll go cater to our guests.”

Joseph smiled at her. “Alright, dear, I’ll be out soon.”

Mary left the room, and he was alone with Joseph. Uh oh. Marys words echoed in his head. _Don’t say a word_. Robert wasn’t sure whether Joseph knew and was pretending not to, or if he genuinely didn’t know. He really hoped it was the former.

“Sorry, uh, the door was open…” Robert said calmly, as calm as he could act when he’d just been graced with the knowledge that could destroy an entire family. Destroying families was not on his bucket list, although things of that calibre seemed to follow him. Maybe he was just unconsciously attracted to bad situations.

Joseph huffed out a laugh. “It’s fine, really. I didn’t think you’d come, but I’m glad you did.” He motioned for Robert to follow him, as he lead them out into a beautifully green garden.

Adults lounged around, drinking different adulty beverages, while children played happily on the grass. It sent a painful pang through his chest, but he ignored it, following Joseph under the veranda. Joseph sat down on one of the cushioned chairs, and gestured for him to do the same. The sun beat down, interrupted only by a light breeze. Robert inhaled the sweet summer air, as he listened to the sound of laughter.

It was strangely serene.

“So, what do you think?” Asked Joseph offhandedly.

“Yeah…” Robert sighed in contempt. “It’s a nice place you got here.”

Joseph chucked. “Glad you like it. We don’t have cookouts that often, the neighbours are usually busy with their own lives. But it’s good once in a while, to mingle with those that live closest to you.”

“Not really my scene.” Robert said, resisting the urge to pull out a cigarette. It probably wasn’t polite to smoke at a family cookout.

Joseph rested a hand on his chin, looking on in what seemed like genuine interest. “Well, what is your scene then?”

Robert thought for a minute, before replying. “Getting piss drunk on a hill somewhere with a nice view of the city.”

Joseph laughed loudly, causing some of the neighbours to turn in their direction. “Sorry…that was…wow.” He composed himself, then smiled heartily. “Sounds like fun. Anything else?”

“Hunting for cryptids.” Robert said, watching Josephs expression as he attempted to hold back another laugh, failing miserably at doing so. He had a nice laugh, Robert thought, as he surveyed the man’s features. He had a nice face too – bright blue eyes, and a charming, yet approachable look about him. Robert felt strangely comforted in his presence, although he’d never admit that.

He hadn’t realised he’d been staring, until Joseph spoke again. “Do I have something on my face?”

Robert snapped out of his daze. “No…uh…no, I just zoned out for a second there.”

“It is quite a peaceful day, I don’t blame you.” Joseph smiled, about to get up from his chair when he was jumped on by two children, pushing him back down into a sitting position. They were both blonde and similar looking, one a boy and one a girl. They grabbed onto him excitedly.

“Dad! When are you making the burgers?” The girl asked, blue eyes beaming up at Joseph.

Joseph looked mildly overwhelmed, before hugging them both tightly. “Soon, honey, just give me a second. Go find mommy, okay?”

They held onto him for a short while longer, before obliging, and running off in a random direction. Assumedly to find their mother – Mary.

“They yours?” Robert asked after the kids were safely out of earshot.

Joseph smirked, crossing his legs. “What gave it away?” They both shared a laugh, as Joseph turned to him. “Christie and Christian, they’re twins. Chris is the eldest, he’s pretty shy, doesn’t like to talk much, but he’s a smart kid.”

“Yeah, we’ve met. He opened the door for me.” Robert replied, Chris’ eyes still boring into his soul. That kid clearly had some lessons to learn in ‘how much eye contact is too much’.

Joseph huffed out a laugh. “So that’s why you were wandering aimlessly around my house.”

“That had something to do with it, yes.” Robert admitted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Joseph took a deep breath, before getting up from his seat. “Well, I must go, the burger patties aren’t going to grill themselves.” He chuckled, looking back at Robert. “Grab a drink, and mingle with the others. Then maybe you can try one of my amazing burgers, if I deem you acceptable of course.”

Robert grunted in reply, as Joseph walked off, leaving him alone.

He sat there in comfortable silence for a while, before he heard the chair creak beside him. And just like in the bar last night, he turned to see Mary sitting next to him.

“Hey, _sailor_.”

Robert regarded her with a curt nod. “Nice house.”

“Just say it, and get it over with.” Mary said firmly, crossing her legs as she looked out at the garden in disinterest.

Robert sighed. He had hoped to avoid drama, at least until he was properly settled in. “You and Joseph, how does that work…exactly. Because at the bar last night you didn’t seem… _taken_.”

Mary laughed dryly, as if someone had told a distasteful joke. “If I were to explain our relationship, you’d be here till next Friday.”

“Does he know?” Robert asked, eyes landing on Joseph, who was contently flipping patties on the other side of the garden.

“It’s complicated.” Mary said, sounding slightly amused at his question. “Let’s just say we’re in an ‘open relationship’ and leave it at that.”

Robert was hungover, and didn’t much care for relationship issues. He had enough of his own. So, with another sigh, he got up. “Alright. Just don’t get me involved.”

Robert started to walk away for her, but before he could get far enough away, he heard her speak from behind. _“Unfortunately for you, it seems you already are.”_

Robert manoeuvred through the crowd, trying his best not to collide with any standing patrons. This place was too perfect. The calming aura from before had been swept away in the breeze, and he felt like was suffocating in a locked room filled with pleasantries and unwarranted social interaction. He spotted the buffet table, filled with a mess of delectable looking snacks, and immediately headed in that direction. Maybe food would calm him down.

No one was currently at the buffet table, so it was the opportune time for him to stuff his face with hors d’oeuvres. He grabbed a handful of black olives from a spotless white bowl, before unceremoniously shoving them into his mouth. He barely had enough time to swallow the food that was currently inhabiting his mouth, as someone spoke beside him, causing him to jump – and almost choke on the olives.

“So, you’re the new neighbour Joseph’s been talking about!”

“Shit – “ Robert cursed, dropping the devilled egg he had just picked up. “Uh, I mean…” He turned to find a plump-ish man, with flaming ginger hair, curls splaying in every direction. His face, Robert noted, was adorned with the most glorious beard he had ever seen. Robert stared at him, attempting to keep his face neutral as he swallowed dryly, recovering from the near-death experience.

“How are you liking it so far?” The man asked, completely unfazed by his lacklustre expression.

Robert took a deep breath, and carefully constructed a reply. “Yeah, It’s – “

“Good, good.” The man cut him off, causing Robert to scowl. “The names Brian.” He extended a large hand, in what Robert assumed was an attempt to greet him in some civil, neighbourly manner.

“Robert.” Robert stated, half expecting Brian to interrupt him again, as he shook the man’s hand. Brian had an un-surprisingly strong grip, and held the handshake for far longer than was socially necessary. Robert stretched his hand when Brian finally let go, and his arm too – damn, he wouldn’t want to fight this guy.

“Good stuff, huh?” Brian said, motioning to the buffet table, that was still full of delicious food. He could feel it, it was calling his name, _begging_ him to eat until his stomach was satiated.

“It’s alright.” Robert replied, searching desperately for a reason to leave. But as his eyes wandered the packed garden, full of people interacting with each other, he could find no way of escape.

Brian huffed out a laugh. “Don’t talk much, do ya?”

Robert, seeing no current way out of this situation, picked up the devilled egg he had dropped moments ago, and shoved it into his mouth, hoping Brian would take this as a queue to stop talking to him. But, to Roberts dismay, the man kept going.

“My kid, Daisy, she joined the chess team last week.” Brian explained, piling up his plate with food. “She’s already at the top of her class, so as expected, she beat the entire team in under a week.”

Robert didn’t register a word Brian was saying, his mind focusing on one thing and one thing alone. Leaving this conversation. Robert wanted to eat more from the buffet table, but he wasn’t sure if his need to eat delicious looking food trumped his need to avoid social interaction.

So, with a slight nod in the general direction of ‘away from here’, he said. “I need to go over there…now.” And left, legs moving at an intense speed.

Thankfully, Brian did _not_ follow him. Robert wasn’t sure what he would’ve done if Brian had continued after him, and honestly, punching the guy in the face and running away was at the top of the list. He grabbed a drink of what he assumed was cranberry juice, and found a secluded area of the garden, before proceeding to awkwardly stand there, sipping the cranberry juice that tasted suspiciously like wine.

Why had he decided to come here?

Oh, right, because he was an idiot who loved constant pain and suffering. Maybe he was a masochist after all, he decided, taking a long sip from his glass. Robert would probably leave soon, it wasn’t like he had anything else to do here, other than be uncomfortable, and make the people around him even more uncomfortable.

He looked up to see Joseph walking over to him, plate in hand, with the most magnificent looking burger he had ever seen resting atop of it. Roberts mouth watered. On second thought, he was still extremely hungry, and the anticipation of sinking his teeth into that delectable meat sandwich took over – rooting him to the spot.

Joseph smiled, handing him the plate. “Thought you might want one.”

Robert swallowed dryly, taking the plate with shaking hands. “You thought correct.” He immediately grabbed the burger, looking up at Josephs expectant expression, before taking a large bite. A burst of delicate flavour caressed his taste buds as he chewed, each chew more tasteful than the first. Holy shit.

This was the best _god damn_ burger he had ever eaten in his life.

“So?” Joseph asked, after Robert had finished his first, and hopefully not last bite.

Robert smirked, eyes glazing over as he looked adoringly at the burger on his plate. “It’s amazing.” He said, without even a hint of sarcasm. It really was, amazing.

Joseph smiled at this, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. He seemed genuinely happy to hear that his work had been complimented. “Wow, thank you. That means a lot.”

Joseph went back to catering shortly after, leaving Robert alone to peacefully savour the godly burger that he had been graced with. After about two more hours of awkwardly standing in the corner, it was starting to get dark, and people were beginning to leave. Thank God, Robert thought, making his way over to the door. He could finally leave this hell of social pleasantries.

Just as he was about to cross the threshold, and exit this extremely well decorated abode, Robert felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Joseph. He looked tired, and honestly, no wonder, seeing as he had just expertly hosted a cookout for the entire neighbourhood all by himself. Joseph sighed. “Robert, I’m sorry to ask this of you so late, but I was wondering if you could help me with something.” He rubbed the crease between his brows, attempting to fight back a yawn. “The twins’ piano recital is tonight, and I said I would bake cookies, but I’m so overwhelmed after the cookout, I’m not sure I can handle it all by myself.”

Robert could not bake for shit, and all the cooking lessons in the world would not fix that. He was tired, hungover, and wanted nothing more than to sink his teeth into a Hawaiian pizza, before collapsing onto the couch. But, as Josephs blue, oceanic eyes looked into his pleadingly, he just couldn’t say no.

“Two hands are better than one, right?” Robert regretted it the moment the words had left his mouth, but, no turning back now.

Joseph smiled suddenly, and let out a sigh of relief. “I _knew_ I could count on you.”

                                                                                                              

* * *

 

The cooking utensils looked up at him from the drawer, judging him. He had no idea how to use them, and was sure he never would. They looked like medieval torture devices, and honestly, he wasn’t a fan of the medieval period.

“Can you get me a whisk?” Joseph asked, as he rummaged through a cupboard on the other side of the kitchen.

A what? A _whisk_? He had no idea what that was. Robert looked down again at the draw full of utensils, and eyed them with suspicion. Alright, which one you fuckers is a ‘whisk’?

After staring at the culinary objects for longer than socially acceptable, he grabbed the one nearest to him, and stood up, rubbing the back of his now aching neck. “Here.” He walked over to Joseph, and handed him the utensil.

Joseph looked at him quizzically for a moment, before bursting out laughing. He composed himself quickly though, and took the utensil from Robert, who still had no idea what was going on. “This is a spatula.”

“Oh…” Robert said, face heating up. “Not a wh _a_ sk then?”

At this, Joseph started laughing again, and Robert couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes crinkled at the sides – and how his cheeks dimpled perfectly. Was there anything this guy couldn’t pull off?

“Good try.” Joseph said, placing a gentle, reassuring hand on his shoulder, before walking over to the drawer, and pulling out a strange, alien looking object. “ _This_ is a whisk.”

“Ah. A wh _e_ sk. I see it now.” Robert said, closely sizing up the object in Josephs hand. It wasn’t much, and was pretty damn scary looking, but it wasn’t the worst thing he had ever seen.

Robert found out that he was, in fact, great at whisking. He couldn’t say the same for everything else related to cooking, but whisking for long periods of time was definitely his forte.

The baking session consisted mostly of Joseph telling him exactly what to do, in detail, and him still consistently fucking up, while attempting to impress Joseph with his whisking abilities. But, after an hour and a half of questionable baking practises, they finally had a reasonable sized tray of cookies.

“Thanks.” Joseph said, holding the door open as Robert stood on the doorstep, in the cold night air. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “I dunno about that. I think I was more of a hindrance than a help.”

“Either way. I’m glad you stayed.” Joseph smiled, before handing him what he assumed to be a cookie wrapped in tin foil. “For your trouble.”

Robert took it, returning the smile, before leaving. His house was cold, and extremely unwelcoming, as he ate the cookie in silence. _Damn_ – it was a good cookie, all things considered.

When he had finished, he decided he didn’t particularly want to drink alone, so he grabbed his jacket, and headed for the bar.

Robert was met with the welcoming smell of stale liquor and vomit as he walked through the all too familiar doors. The entire place was illuminated with a warm glow, and he’d never felt more at home. Spending time at a prolonged social event only increased his need to be where he truly belonged. Before he could order his first shot of the night, he spotted Mary sitting alone at the booth, with a glass of wine on the table in front of her, as per usual. Except, this time, the glass was full, and seemingly untouched.

Without thinking, he ordered two shots of whiskey, and brought them over to the booth, placing one in front of Mary. “Drink up.” He sat down opposite her, before downing his shot. She looked up lazily, not even bothering to speak as she downed hers. Something must be wrong, he concluded, eyes wandering back to the extremely full glass of wine still of the table. “What’s up?”

Mary said nothing still, staring at the painting of a horse on the wall beside her. Yeah, there was definitely something wrong here. Robert sighed, grabbing the untouched glass of wine, and chugging it. As expected, this caught her attention, and she glared at him angrily. He smirked, a satisfied expression painting his features. “I’ll buy ya a new one if you tell me what’s wrong.”

Mary’s scowl disappeared, and her face went slack as she rested her head on her hand, eyes tired, and lacking of any life that had been there before. “I’m just…tired.”

Robert knew enough about avoiding his own problems to know when someone was avoiding theirs, but he didn’t want to push her, so with a simple nod, he got up and ordered another glass of wine. Whiskey, for him.

They sat in silence for a while, sipping on their drinks, before Mary unexpectedly spoke up. “Wanna hear a joke?”

Robert huffed out a laugh, not quite sure what to expect. “Why not.”

“You know what’s fun about being sober?” Mary asked, wine firmly in hand as she stared at him, lifelessly.

After a moment, she replied. “Nothing.”

Not a hint of humour could be found in her voice, and her face showed the same. It was less of a joke, and more of a depressing statement. But, with an efforted breath, he laughed – a loud, obnoxious laugh, that turned everyone’s attention to them.

Mary’s face remained stern, but Robert could see the cracks starting to show as he laughed harder. After a few moments of pain inducing laughter, Mary finally cracked, and an accidental smile turned into full blown laughter. Before long, they were both laughing, along with the entirety of the bar, each drunk bar patron confusedly joining in as they made fools of themselves.

They both gasped violently, composing themselves as they took long, panted swigs of alcohol. Mary took a final deep breath, wine staining the corner of her mouth. “Wow. I needed that.”

Robert finished his drink, and stood, slapping a few bills on the table, before motioning towards the door. “Wanna get something to eat?”

“Hell yeah I do!” Mary practically yelled, following him out of the bar as the wine clearly rushed straight to her head.

Robert headed – with Mary close behind, for the twenty-four-hour pizza joint. The sweet smell of melted cheese and tomatoey grease caressed his nose as they stood by the atrociously dirty counter, his tired eyes focused on one thing and one alone. Pizza.

Mary snickered as she looked up at the board, tone now rich with condescension. “ _Pineapple_ on pizza? What kind of uncivilised beast would order that?”

Roberts eyes went cold at those words, as he stared her down. He would take no prisoners. There would be no mercy. “Listen here, _heathen_. I’ll have you know that pineapple on pizza is a _blessing_ , and a _delicacy_. How _dare_ you criticise the Hawaiian goodness that our ancestors fought for the right to consume.”

Mary stared back at him, unblinking, and handed the cashier some of her well-earned cash, who was looking on in extreme interest at the possible debate about to unfold. “Two _Hawaiian_ pizzas, pronto.” She smirked at his aghast expression.

And that was when Robert knew, he had met the person who would share his friendship for all eternity.

They walked home, clumsily devouring their pizzas as they strolled the dark street, illuminated only by a few lamp lights.

“Hey…” Robert muttered through mouthfuls of pizza – before remembering that it wasn’t polite to talk with your mouth full, and swallowed, before continuing. “I heard your kids are having a piano recital tonight, you must be proud, huh.”

Mary started coughing, almost dropping her pizza as she stopped in her tracks, composing herself. “…yeah. They…practised a lot.” She paused in contemplation. “Joseph tell you?”

“Yeah. I was helping him bake cookies for it.” Robert replied, chucking the empty pizza box at the trash can nearby, and missing tragically. _Crap_. He picked it up, and put it in the bin, then turned, expecting to see Mary scoffing at his failure, but instead he was met with another stern expression. “What?”

“I didn’t take you for someone who likes to cook.” Mary said, tossing her box into the trash, and unlike Robert, not missing.

Robert huffed out a laugh, attempting to ignore her curt tone. “I don’t, but he asked me to help, and I couldn’t just leave him to bake alone after catering to the entire neighbourhood.”

“You could have.” Mary said, eyes cold. “I did.”

Roberts brow furrowed at this. He couldn’t understand why Mary was so attest to Josephs company, weren’t they married? Joseph always seemed so nice and caring, meanwhile Mary didn’t seem to care at all, even about her own kids. “Are you going to the recital?” He asked after a while of uncomfortable silence.

Mary said nothing, expression vacant, before she answered in disinterest. “Why would I?”

“Why _not_?” Robert grit out, getting extremely tired of this charade. “What kind of mother misses their kid’s piano recital? How do you think they’ll feel when they don’t see you there in the crowd cheering them on? Don’t you think about that at all?”

Mary looked shocked at this, and then her expression turned venomous. “How _dare_ you! What right do you have to _judge_ me, when you don’t even – “

“Because I made the same mistake!” Robert raised his voice, louder than he had intended, causing Mary to freeze. “I won’t let what happened with me and Val happen to you and your kids…”

He wouldn’t let Mary take the same path he did. _He wouldn’t_.

“They don’t deserve that, and neither do you.”

All the animosity had left Marys face, and Roberts eyes widened as tears started streaming down her cheeks. Before he could even say a word, she was crying in front of him, eyes red, and face scrunched up with emotion. “Mary…look, I’m – “ Robert said, attempting to apologise, before she stopped him.

“No.” Mary said, cutting him off as she used her sleeve to wipe away the tears. “You’re right.” She took a deep breath. “They don’t deserve that.” Mary grabbed Roberts arm and started to walk, pulling him along with her.

“What?” Robert asked, stumbling over his feet as she continued to drag him in an uncertain direction. “Where are we going?”

“To the recital, obviously.” Mary said, high heels clacking loudly on the pavement, drowning out any other questions that were nagging at Roberts mind.

When they arrived at the venue, the recital had already started, but thankfully Christie and Christian had not yet come on stage. A brown-haired girl with bright green eyes played a light, cheery tune on the grand piano under the luminescent spotlight.

They both snuck in, making their way towards a few empty seats near the middle of the room, which also happened to be next to Joseph. When Mary saw this, she immediately turned, attempting to walk in the opposite direction, but before she could, Robert grabbed her arm, and plonked down next to Joseph, forcing her to sit beside him.

Joseph turned to see them, eyes wide. “Robert? What are you doing here? And _Mary_? I thought you said you weren’t coming.”

“She changed her mind.” Robert replied, smiling comically. “We decided we’d turn up, for yano, emotional support.”

Joseph smiled widely at this, placing a hand on Roberts unsuspecting shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll be thrilled, they’re on next.”

The three of them focused their attention to the front of the stage, as the brown-haired girl who had been performing stood, and gracefully left the stage. The parents started chatting again once the girl had left, and the intermission had started.

Robert coughed awkwardly, and stood, stomach clearly not agreeing with the entire Hawaiian pizza he had scarfed down moments before. “I need to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Robert took a deep breath as he splashed his face with water, glaring at his face in the mirror, as droplets fell from his lightly stubbled chin. For some reason, this had plagued him with the unwanted memory of when he had turned up to Val’s photography expo, late. And, after drinking all of the free wine that he could possibly stomach, thrown up all over the clean marble floor of the studio. She had told him never to talk to her ever again.

It had been his fault, naturally, he was that kind of drunk, but, he hadn’t meant to ruin everything. He hadn’t meant to. He just _did_.

When he returned to the hall, the seated parents were still talking amongst themselves, and the performance hadn’t yet started. Robert spotted Mary and Joseph, sitting next to each other, and seemingly arguing, about who knows what. Maybe he shouldn’t have left after all. He walked over, and sat down between them, causing them both to remain silent.

The hall followed suit, everyone quieting down as a man dressed in a fine cut, black suit walked on stage. “Good evening. Our next performance will be from Christie and Christian Christiansen. They will be playing a piece they call, ‘Blood Soaked Moonlight’.”

_Interesting title_ , Robert thought, as he watched the man slowly leave the stage. He felt a hand on his arm soon after, and turned to see Joseph smiling warmly in his direction. “Thank you.” He whispered, voice barely audible – but Robert heard him.

“For what?” Robert replied nonchalantly, in the same hushed tone.

Joseph said nothing and simply winked, before turning to face the stage, as Christie and Christian walked on, both adorned in beautiful white clothing, perfectly accenting each other as they strolled up to the piano, and sat beside each other on the rectangular stool. They lifted their hands to the piano keys, unblinking, as they started to play. The melody was hauntingly serene, and Robert could see now why they had named it as such.

The twins’ eyes were fixed on the keys as they played, the tune maintaining its extravagance throughout. Once they had finished, they both stood, in unison, and bowed deeply. The crowd erupted in applause – Mary, Joseph and Robert all stood, clapping loudly and cheering. Christie and Christian ceased their bow as they spotted Mary in the crowd, along with Joseph and himself. This caused them to smile widely, before bowing again, and exiting the stage just as gracefully as they had entered.

Backstage, Joseph pulled Mary and the twins into a group hug, as Mary rolled her eyes in clear distaste. It was sweet honestly, in a strange kind of way, and Robert couldn’t help but feel a little saddened at the family display. He had missed all of this with Val, never even giving himself a chance to experience it, never giving her the time of day.

Why had he been such a terrible father?

Robert couldn’t fathom the reason, only that it had happened, and he deeply regretted not spending more time with her. But that was all it was now. A regret in the dark crevices of his mind.

Joseph looked up from the hug, clearly noticing his sour expression, as he held out a welcoming hand. “There’s room for one more.”

Roberts eyes widened at this, not quite sure how to respond, but he quickly composed himself, and shook his head meekly. He needed to be alone right now. “I should be getting home.”

“Alright.” Joseph smiled understandingly, as Robert left.

The walk home was painful, and honestly, he didn’t want to be alone tonight. But he didn’t have a choice. He was alone. And in the back of his mind he _knew_ – he always would be, as was his fate. Roberts truck was cold when he got in, leather seat creaking under his weight. He put the keys in the ignition, and It started effortlessly as always, engine whirring away as he backed out of his driveway. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was going, just that he wanted to drive somewhere, anywhere.

Robert ended up driving upward, and parking on a hill somewhere, overlooking the city. It was the perfect spot. He sat down, and made himself comfortable.

The view was beautiful from up here, city lights illuminating through the night. He fished his knife from his pocket, and grabbed a sturdy looking stick nearby, before starting to whittle at it. Damn, he’d missed this. Maybe this was all he needed to take his mind off things, he thought, as the knife sliced easily through the wood. Robert wasn’t sure what he was making, just that it now looked like the statue of liberty – if she had been thrown into a high voltage wind tunnel.

He pocketed his masterpiece, and his trusty knife, before opening his boot and spotting a loose can of beer. It had probably been in here for weeks. It was lukewarm and the can had been dented slightly, but because he had no morals, or any sign of decency, he opened it and took one long gulp.

Cheap beer. He cringed, but continued to drink, about to go back to the patch of earth he had been sitting on moments before. Just as he went to sit down, he heard a noise, coming from the woods. Robert turned, brow furrowed and beer still in hand, as his eyes searched the forest behind that was now looming over him. He hadn’t really noticed it before, too enthralled in the view of the city, but now that he had, his body went cold. _People have claimed to hear things in the woods…_

Robert mind immediately went to Marys story, the one she had told him when they’d first met. But she had been joking, _right_? She said so herself. It was probably just the wind, or a wild animal, he concluded, attempting to sit down once again, before he heard a loud, ghostly howl. He turned abruptly, eyes furiously searching the trees again. What the hell was that?

Robert was pretty damn sure there weren’t any wolves near here, and even then, he’d never heard them make a noise like whatever the hell that was.

He took one last swig of his lukewarm beer, and scrunched it up, chucking it to the ground, before going back to his truck, and grabbing a flashlight from the passenger side compartment. Robert flicked it on, testing it out on his immediate surroundings, before making his way towards an opening in the woods. The trees were dark, and cast shadows all around him, as his torch scanned the area. Roberts eyes kept deceiving him, and he could’ve sworn he’d seen a person a few times, but that was just a trick of the light, he reasoned, walking further.

He stepped on something strange, and looked down, picking it up. It was a charred piece of rope, tied in a knot – nothing big. Robert sighed, maybe it was nothing after all. He pocketed the piece of rope, and went to go back, before his ears picked up something moving, a rustle – no, footsteps. Something was moving towards him. He spun around, beam furiously darting from tree to tree, but he couldn’t see much as he squinted through the dim torch light.

Suddenly, his torch started acting up, strobing abruptly. Robert grunted, banging his hand on the side of it. He would have to replace the batteries, this was no good. He turned it off, but as soon as he did, he saw a flash of eyes between the trees in front of him, and like any moderately sane man, turned and _ran_.

His legs couldn’t move as fast as he wanted, and he kept stumbling on the uneven ground, but he could see the lights from the city, as he came out of the woods. Robert didn’t stop though, until he was back by his car, and only then did he turn behind. And in the clearing where he had just exited, were the same glowing eyes.

In one abrupt movement, he jumped into the driver seat of his truck, and stuck his keys in the ignition, before hightailing the fuck out of there.

When Robert arrived home, he wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, only that he had seen something. Something _strange_. He sat on his couch, and fished the piece of charred rope from his pocket, examining it in the light. There was nothing special about it, it could’ve come from anything, really, but it held an aura that made him feel uneasy, one that he couldn’t explain. Robert put the rope back into his pocket, before lying back onto the couch. His mind was plagued with images of those eyes illuminating through the darkness, but eventually, he fell into a deep, uncomfortable sleep.

He didn’t dream that night.


	2. Wrong Turn

Light streamed in through the window, and Robert averted his eyes, turning over on the couch, so that his face was smushed against the pillows. He then, realised, that he couldn’t breathe, and sat up abruptly, before glancing at the clock on the wall – it was already deep into the afternoon. Robert heard his new phone buzz from somewhere beneath him, and fished it out from underneath one of the couch cushions. How the hell had it gotten there? His eyes scanned the painfully bright screen. A message from Joseph? But…how had he?

 _Oh_. Robert sighed as he opened the app on his phone, the one he had completely forgotten that he still had an account on. Val had made it for him years ago, and he’d never ended up using it. His profile picture was definitely in need of updating. It showed him, standing on top of some random persons car, with a bottle of whiskey, and a cigar. Those were the days.

The message read, ‘Hey Robert, thanks for helping me out last night. I was wondering if you could bring some popcorn over? It’s movie night, and I forgot to grab some on the way home.’

 _Hah_. If Joseph thinks Robert will be his little errand boy just because he helped out one time, then he’s sorely mistaken.

Robert sat there in silence for a few moments, listening to the sound of the clock ticking on the wall, as his body itched for movement. Well, not like he had anything else to do.

His bones creaked as he got up off the couch, and headed for the shower. After changing into the cleanest clothes he had – meaning not really all that clean, he grabbed his jacket, and left the house.

The store had at least five different flavours of popcorn. So, after what felt like a century of scrutinising his popcorn knowledge – and life choices, he ended up buying them all, before heading over to Josephs.

The lights were on when he got there, warm glow emanating from the large windows, as he walked up the steps, and knocked on the front door. It only took a few seconds, before the door opened to reveal a tired looking Joseph, wearing striped blue and white pyjamas. Wow, Robert thought, examining Josephs choice of clothing. This was certainly…a _look_.

Joseph smiled at him wryly. “Hey, mind putting that on the table over there? I need to get some stuff from upstairs.” He said, motioning for Robert to go inside.

“Alright…” Robert replied with uncertainty, following him inside. Joseph left the room, and Robert was left alone to ponder why he had even come here. A question he had been asking himself a lot lately. Boredom sure was a funny thing. He placed the bag of bags of popcorn on the rectangular coffee table.

Hearing the sound of bare feet on wood, Robert turned swiftly. It was the kid who had opened the door for him – Chris, if he remembered correctly. Chris had come from upstairs, and was carrying a fairly new looking game of scrabble. He didn’t even look in Roberts direction as he sat down on the floor, and started unpacking the game. Was he going to play by himself?

Robert watched as Chris took out seven letter pieces and placed them in front of the board, where he was sitting with his legs crossed. He immediately made a word with the letter he had, spelling ‘crypt’, before taking more letters from the box. Robert had an idea, once he saw that Chris had an I and a D. He quickly picked up the pieces, to Chris’ clear surprise, and added them to the word to make ‘cryptid’.

“Now, you get more points, because the words longer.” Robert stated proudly. He used to play this game all the time when he was on the road, nothing but time to kill, and he had become quite fond of it. Chris nodded briefly, expression staying neutral as he went back to playing. Well, that was something at least.

Robert heard footsteps coming from the stairs, and turned to see Joseph, carrying a bundle of different coloured blankets. He almost tripped on the last step, blankets partially blocking his view, but luckily, he entered the living room unscathed. Joseph tossed the blankets onto the couch, and started unpacking the popcorn that Robert had brought.

“Can you get some plastic bowls from the kitchen?” Joseph asked, not turning in any particular direction, but as Roberts eyes wandered back to Chris who was still focused intently on his one-man game of scrabble, he assumed Joseph was talking to him.

Robert sighed, walking into the obscenely large kitchen. How the hell was he supposed to know where the bowls were? It’s not like he lived here. Robert ended up checking almost every cupboard, not finding the extremely colourful plastic bowls till the very last one, as par his luck. He grabbed them and went back into the living room, where Christie and Christian were now running around the couch, as Joseph fiddled with the DVD player.

Robert had only been gone for five minutes, and the house had already descended into madness. Joseph was clearly struggling with the electronic device in front of him, so Robert discarded the bowls onto the table, and crouched down beside him, doing his best to avoid the running children. “Need help?”

Joseph jolted slightly at the abruptness of his question, and turned to him, before sighing deeply. “Yeah…I can’t quite…figure this thing out.” He said, threading his fingers through his now tousled hair.

Joseph moved out of the way, allowing Robert to deal with the unruly device. He pressed the play button, and when nothing happened, proceeded to press the eject button, causing the disk slot to open and reveal that there was, in fact, no disk currently in there. Robert scratched the back of his head. “There’s, uh…nothing in here.”

Joseph immediately blushed red. “Really? Are you sure?” He asked, quizzically looking over Roberts shoulder, to where the empty disk slot lay. “Crap. I must’ve forgotten.”

Robert wished he could record Joseph saying ‘crap’ for future reference, to prove that the man was actually capable of cursing. Joseph grabbed a movie from the side of the TV and inserted it into the player. The disk went in, and Robert pressed the play button, his hand accidentally brushing against Josephs. He cleared his throat, awkwardly, but Joseph hadn’t seemed to notice.

The TV screen flicked on suddenly, and the movie started playing. Christie and Christian stopped dead in their tracks, and sat down next to each other on the couch, eyes glued to the screen. Joseph sighed in relief, and stood, emptying the popcorn into the bowls, as the intro music droned on.

Robert started to walk towards the door, deciding that he’d be a good neighbour, and show himself out, but Joseph spoke from behind. “Where are you going? The movies just started.” He said, sitting down next to the twins.

“Oh, uh, I thought…I brought the popcorn already, so…” Robert replied, still confused about his part in this situation.

Joseph huffed out a laugh. “You thought I called you over here just to bring us popcorn?” He patted the space beside him. “Get over here, sailor.”

Roberts eyes widened, not sure exactly how to react. How could he have been so stupid? Of course Joseph wouldn’t call you all the way over here just to bring him popcorn. He stood there for a moment, eyes darting the room, before making his way over to the couch, and shucking off his jacket. He sat down, leaning back into the surprisingly comfortable couch. Although, it wasn’t really surprising – this was _Josephs_ house after all.

Joseph pulled the blankets over them both and grabbed a bowl of popcorn, placing it between them. Christie and Christian watched the screen intently, munching on the popcorn as they sat, completely enthralled with the movie. Roberts arm was now flush against Josephs, and it felt increasingly hard to focus, as his eyes found the TV.

“Wait, is this Friday the 13th?” Robert asked, raising an eyebrow in slight concern. He wasn’t one to judge – although that was a lie, he always judged people, just never aloud. Well, maybe sometimes.

Joseph chuckled as if the answer was obvious. “It’s their favourite.”

 _Weird kids_. When Robert was their age, he could barely stomach Harry Potter, and that was on a good day. The twins seemed completely unfazed however, and looked on in interest, as one of the camp counsellors got brutally cut down, resulting in a magnificently exaggerated blood splatter effect. _Nice_.

About half way through the movie, Chris finished playing scrabble, and decided to plonk himself down right onto Roberts lap, which was definitely a surprise. Robert grimaced as pain shot through his leg. _Shit_ , that hurt, he hadn’t had to deal with unwarranted knee injuries since he’d left high school. Chris said nothing, as per usual, eyes focused on the screen in front. Right. Guess he’d just have to fight through the pain.

His legs were extremely numb by the time the movie had ended. Christie and Christian had fallen asleep on each other, and Chris had jumped off his lap to go upstairs to bed. Joseph sighed as he turned off the TV, eyes roaming the floor and blankets, that were now littered with smushed popcorn. Kids sure were messy.

Joseph glanced down at Christie and Christian, who were currently fast asleep, and in one well-honed swoop, lifted Christie into his arms. He motioned briefly to the other one. “You mind? I don’t think I can carry them both.”

“No problem.” Robert remembered doing this with Val once or twice, when she had fallen asleep on the couch. There was a certain _knack_ to it. He stretched both arms, staring down in ponderment at the sleeping child.

Alright, how was he going to do this? What if he woke up? Would he _cry_? Would he _hit_ him? Robert hadn’t dealt with kids in a long time, and honestly, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. But, glancing at Joseph as he held Christie tightly in his arms, Robert couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips.

Joseph was such a good father. He did everything for his kids, and he had three of them, even with Mary out of the picture, he still kept everything going, no matter what. Robert took a deep breath, before carefully lifting Christian off the couch. He was heavier than Robert had expected, but nothing he couldn’t handle. They both carried the twins up the stairs and into their joint room, before setting them down into bed, and tucking them in.

Neither of them stirred as they continued to sleep peacefully, now safely in their own beds. Robert and Joseph both sighed with relief as they left the room, and closed the door quietly behind them, going back downstairs to survey the mess. Joseph looked extremely tired, and probably wanted nothing more than to climb into bed. He went to start cleaning up, but Robert stopped him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’ve got it. You should rest.” Before bending down to pick up the stray popcorn pieces.

Joseph smiled wryly, bending down to help. “Thanks for the offer, but I can’t just watch you clean up.”

They had the place looking decent in no time, and without any further distractions, Joseph collapsed onto the couch, resting his head in his hands. Robert sat down next to him, not at all used to doing this much work, unlike Joseph. Robert usually just drank whiskey, ate pizza, and slept. The complete opposite of what he was doing right now. Although, he found himself not minding it, as he sat beside Joseph in quiet contemplation.

It was nice to be needed.

“Sometimes I wonder how I do this every day…” Joseph said, taking another deep breath.

Robert rubbed his eyes, glancing at Joseph. “Yeah, if I had to do this every day I think I’d explode.” He laughed, as Joseph smiled at him through tired eyes.

“Tea?” Joseph asked after a moment of comfortable silence, finally sitting up.

Robert cleared his throat, eyes finding the clock. “I should be getting back, it’s late…”

Josephs eyes were crinkled at the sides, just like when he had laughed at Roberts lack of utensil knowledge, but now, there was a certain sadness to them. “Please?” He said, voice breaking slightly.

Robert stared into Josephs blue eyes, and like before, he couldn’t refuse them. “Alright.”

A steaming cup was placed in front of him, as Joseph sat beside him again, the couch dipping under his weight, as he sipped his own hot beverage. Things were extremely peaceful at night, this house especially – not that it wasn’t in the day, but at night there was a certain calming atmosphere, that couldn’t really be found at any other time, except maybe the early morning. He couldn’t quite explain it, or even put it into words, but it was there.

Joseph spoke suddenly, cutting through Roberts thoughts. “I wish I could stay in this moment, forever. No kids, no problems, no responsibilities. Just a steaming cup of something good, and someone to talk to. But, at the same time, I love my kids, and would do anything for them.”

Robert listened silently, finding himself relating to Josephs words in a way. “I understand that feeling. I just wish I had picked the right option, instead of revelling in time to myself. Now, I can’t seem to get away from it, no matter how hard I try.”

“You have kids?” Joseph asked over his cup.

Robert took a deep breath, nodding curtly. “Yeah, my daughter, Val…we don’t…talk anymore.” It was hard for him to talk about her, but the situation seemed fitting, and maybe Joseph would have the answer to his problems.

“Have you tried reaching out to her?” Joseph asked, resting his cup in his lap, as he stared intently at Robert.

Robert said nothing, not sure he wanted to answer. Clearly, that would be the first place to start, but, he just…couldn’t. Robert couldn’t admit that he hadn’t even called her, once, because he was a _damn_ coward.

“Robert.” Joseph said, placing a hand on his knee reassuringly. “You can talk to me. I am the youth minister in this neighbourhood, after all. What good would I be if people couldn’t confide in me?”

Robert took a long sip from his cup in an attempt to stall the conversation. But, in the end, he decided it was best to get these things out into the open. “Not yet. I keep…trying, but I just can’t…I – “ He cut himself off, not sure he could carry on without breaking down.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to push yourself.” Joseph said, looking Robert in the eye, as he moved his hand to Roberts shoulder. “It’ll happen in time, when you’re ready. Trust me.”

Trust wasn’t an easy thing to do, but he felt like he could with Joseph. Robert felt comforted by his words, and although he would never truly forgive himself, he felt at peace for the first time in a while. Would Val really listen to him, even if he did decide to reach out to her? He wouldn’t know, until it happened, but his confidence grew slightly, and that was a start.

Joseph opened the door, and Robert stepped out into the cold night air, shivering slightly. “Goodnight.” Robert said, watching Josephs tired expression turn into one of gratitude.

“Goodnight.” He replied. “And thank you…for everything, really. I mean it.”

“No problem.” Robert smiled, before making his way towards his own house. He usually hated helping people, but for some reason it was different with Joseph, it was like he actually wanted to help him. Which was definitely a new, and strange feeling for him.

When he got home, he collapsed onto the couch, exhausted. It had been a long night, and his body sunk into the bumpy cushions, as he drifted into sleep.

* * *

 

Robert woke up a lot earlier than usual. He accounted this to his slumber party with Joseph, and sat up, throat gasping for an alcoholic beverage, and some nice, hot, greasy pizza. Yeah, that sounded perfect right about now. He felt around for his jacket, but to his dismay, it was nowhere to found.

 _Crap_. He must’ve left it at Josephs.

Robert was not used to being up this early, since his usual plan was to get completely wasted the night before, and sleep in till noon. The morning light was horrifically vibrant, and he had to squint through it. Night time was definitely his element. He wasn’t sure whether he had just become accustomed to the dim lighting, or if he was actually turning into a vampire. Naturally, he hoped it was the latter. Then he could hunt himself.

Robert knocked on Josephs door, expecting to see his bright, cheery face when the door opened. But instead he was met with Mary’s bitter one. He hadn’t expected her to be up this early either, since she had most definitely been drinking last night, according to the pretty significant bags under her eyes. Honestly, he hadn’t even been certain that she actually lived here, seeing as she was usually out of the house.

Mary let out a distasteful scoff when she saw him. “I assume you’re here for your jacket.” She said, glancing back into the room, where his jacket was currently draped over the pastel blue couch.

Robert rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Uh, yeah…” He said, shivering at the lack of a warm leather jacket. “I left it here.”

“I could tell, somehow.” Mary remarked snidely, before her expression softened. “You know what I could do with right now?”

Robert huffed out a laugh, eyes wandering back to the dark red smudges under her eyes. “A cold compress, and some orange juice?”

“No.” Mary rolled her eyes. “And I think you mean pickle juice.” She sighed loudly, opening the door wider. “I meant wine. I want wine. Get in here already, I have a killer headache, and this light is blinding me.”

Robert raised an eyebrow, still acutely aware of how early it was. “It’s ten in the morning.”

“And?” Mary replied nonchalantly, crossing her arms.

Robert licked his lips, he could already taste the sweet bitterness on his tongue. “Fair point.” He followed Mary inside, as she practically slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. “Where are the kids?” Robert asked, eyes scanning the empty living room.

“Joseph took them to the park.” Mary stated in disinterest, as she disappeared into the kitchen, high heels clacking against the wooden floor. She returned a few minutes later with a bottle of red wine, and two glasses, placing them on the coffee table. They sat opposite each other, as Mary poured them both a glass of wine.

Robert simply sipped his, savouring the taste of the velvety liquid, while Mary took a large gulp and closed her eyes, looking quite at peace. The living room was quiet, and the only sound that could be heard was the subtle ticking of the clock on the mantel piece. Silence was a good thing, and they both seemed to revel in it for a long while, before Robert remembered what had happened last night.

“Something…weird happened, last night.” Robert said, watching as Mary opened her eyes, staring into his.

She scoffed. “Weird how? Did you get into a back-alley drug deal again?”

Robert rolled his eyes. Of course, she would take it as a joke, but he had to get it off his chest. He needed someone to convince him that he wasn’t crazy. “Last night, I went into the woods. The one on the hill, that overlooks the city.”

“Hm. I thought my little ghost story would have an impact on you.” Mary huffed out a laugh, taking a sip of wine. “Did you decide to do a bit of late night cryptid hunting?”

Robert took a deep breath, before continuing. “I saw something.”

“Something?” She said. “You’re going to have to be a bit more specific than that, sailor.”

“I saw…” Robert started, not wanting to continue. But he’d already gone this far, so he might as well. “Eyes. And heard someone – something, walking towards me. So, I ran, naturally, then…when I looked back, I saw the eyes again, on the edge of the woods. Watching me.”

Mary raised an eyebrow, before bursting out laughing, like he had expected. Maybe it was a bad idea to tell her after all. “Look, I know your ego was tarnished when I got you with that story, but I’m not as gullible as you. You’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that.”

“I’m not joking.” Robert said, face stern as he dug out the piece of charred rope from his pocket, and held it out for Mary to see.

Mary paused for a second, body strangely still, as if she had frozen momentarily, before speaking. “A _rope_? And that’s strange how, exactly?”

“I don’t know…” Robert replied, examining the rope again. “It just had a weird aura to it, yano?”

“No, I don’t know.” Mary said, sipping her wine. “But you probably shouldn’t go wandering in those woods again, I hear coyotes like to hunt there.” She smirked. “Wouldn’t want you getting eaten now, would we?”

Robert pocketed the rope, before downing his glass, and placing it firmly on the table. “There are no coyotes round here. I checked.”

Mary was silent for a moment, the air stiffening around them, before she spoke abruptly. “We’re going out.” She said, getting up. “And don’t forget your jacket this time.”

Robert was slightly taken aback by the sudden change in atmosphere, but with a curt nod, he grabbed his jacket, and shrugged it on. It was cold, but his body heat quickly soaked back into it, as he followed Mary down the street. “Where are we going?”

“A place that I go sometimes, when I need a pick me up.” Mary said, swiftly entering a muted purple building to the right of them. Robert did the same, the quiet little jingle of a bell sounding out as the door opened. They were in what looked like a strange storage room for empty animal cages, with a small desk in the centre. The layout was a little muddled, and it smelt weirdly of cheese and cleaning supplies.

“Where the hell are we?” Robert asked, warily scanning their surroundings

Mary huffed out a laugh, meeting Roberts horrified expression. “Home.” Just as she said this, a man with long black hair tied in a messy ponytail walked in. He was wearing a purple polo neck, and had big black rimmed glasses, sitting wonkily on the bridge of his nose. The man pushed them up as soon as he saw that he had company, and to Roberts surprise, bowed. Robert could just about see his name tag from here, it read ‘Damien’.

Mary sniggered, smiling warmly as she pulled Damien into a tight hug. He looked frazzled as she squeezed the life out of him, barely getting away as he finally wriggled out of her grasp.

“Uh, hello, Mary.” Damien spoke, his voice quiet. “Who’s your friend? Is he here to pet the dogs?”

Robert attempted to make eye contact with Damien, but his eyes kept wandering the room, clearly not wanting to be in the presence of this many people. He could definitely relate to that.

Mary thread her fingers through her hair, fixing it slightly, as she stood in front of Damien. “Nah, he’s just a tag along.” She said, placing a hand on Damien’s shoulder. He flinched slightly, but didn’t seem as attest to this as he had been with the hug. “Got any newcomers?”

“Yeah, just last night. A Boston terrier was found in an alley near here, severely malnourished, and covered in wounds. We’re not sure what happened exactly, but we got her cleaned up, and gave her some antibiotics. She’s un-chipped, so either a stray, or abandoned.” Damien said, eyes firm as he explained the situation.

Mary looked solemn at this, crossing her arms. “Is she gonna make it?”

“Come see for yourself.” Damien said, leading them down a short corridor. “She’s doing quite well right now, but it’s only the first day under care, so we can’t be sure about the future.” They went into a small-ish room with a metal table in the middle, lined with medical supplies. A single cage sat in the corner of the small, yet spacious room.

It was strangely quiet when they entered, but as Damien went to open the cage, and black and white Boston terrier came bounding out, going straight for Robert. He flinched, not sure whether the dog was going to attack him or not, but instead she just furiously rubbed her head against his leg.

“Be careful, Betsy! You’re going to open your stitches!” Damien rushed over, attempting to calm the dog. She still looked excited, tail wagging, and tongue lolling out of her mouth, but she sat obediently.

Mary looked on in complete adoration. “She’s a cute one. You teach her to sit?”

“No.” Damien replied, carefully stroking the dogs head. “She just started doing this on her own, which would point to a previous owner.”

Mary’s attention went back to Robert, who was still standing awkwardly in the corner of the room. “Want to pet her? She seems to like you.”

“Uh, no…” Robert replied a little too quickly. “I’m…good, thanks.”

“Come on, tough guy.” Mary chided, crouching down beside Damien. “You scared of a baby terrier?”

Scared? _Him_? Psh. Robert took a deep breath, and put his hand out slowly, leaning down to touch Betsy’s head. Her fur was surprisingly soft, and he did his best to avoid the stitches. Betsy’s head immediately shot up, taking him by surprise, as she licked his hand. Robert made what sounded like a startled gasp, and pulled his hand back.

“Scaredy cat.” Mary smirked, before standing up again. “You guys hungry?” She didn’t even wait for an answer, before swiftly exiting the room. Damien put Betsy back into her cage, and they both followed Mary to a quiet coffee shop not far from the cul-de-sac.

It was small, in a cute family business kinda way, with soft jazz music playing in the background, as customers sipped their caffeinated beverages, and chatted to each other. Probably about the weather. Robert hated it when people talked about the weather. It was boring. If they wanted to know what the weather was like, then why didn’t they just go outside and see for themselves.

They sat at a booth in the corner, as a strapping looking man walked up to their table. He had a sweet braided topknot, and was dressed in casual attire. “Damien, haven’t seen you in a while, how you doin’ baby?”

Damien looked up at him, a slight flush on his face as his hands clung to the seat beneath him. “Oh…hello, Mat.” He said, eyebrows furrowing. “Sorry, I’ve been busy with work. A lot of wounded animals have been showing up lately.”

“No problem, no problem, stop by when you can.” Mat smirked, brushing off his apology. “I still owe you a free slice of blueberry cheesecake.”

“Oh, you don’t have to…” Damien started, but Mat quickly cut him off.

“I insist.” He smiled widely, before turning his attention to the table. “So, guys, what can I get you?”

“A large bottle of red wine, and a shot of whiskey.” Mary stated, browsing the food menu.

Mat chuckled, tone ripe with familiarity. “One macchiato, extra shot, coming right up. And for you?” His eyes went to Robert.

Robert swallowed dryly, still undecided. “Uh…tea?” He cleared his throat. “…please.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” Mat winked, causing Roberts heart to skip a beat. Damn, this guy sure had charm. He turned to Damien. “The usual?”

Damien smiled awkwardly. “Yes, please, Mat.”

Mary put down the menu abruptly. “We’ll have two rounds of avocado toast, and three plain omelettes.” She said, crossing her arms, as Mat nodded and left the table.

“He seems nice.” Robert said, eyes following Mat as he walked away. But, all things considered, he did have a nice ass.

Mary huffed, clearly noticing where his eyes were wandering, as she put the menus to the side. “He’s alright.”

Their food and drinks arrived soon after, and it all smelt heavenly. They immediately dug in – although Robert wasn’t that hungry, his stomach still hadn’t settled after what had happened a night ago. Damien seemed to be enjoying his free cheesecake, as Mary happily scoffed down most of the food, although she looked pretty angry as she devoured an entire omelette whole in front of him.

When she had just about finished, her phone rang loudly, echoing across the coffee shop. It sent a few stares her way, but Mary ignored the onlookers, and picked it up. She probably knew it was impolite to take a call in a crowded café, but as per usual, she didn’t care. Mary held the phone to her ear, face staying neutral as someone spoke on the other line. Robert couldn’t quite make out the voice, but it seemed to rattle her as she stood, grabbing her handbag.

“I have some business I need to attend to.” She said. “Stay sleazy, fellas.” Before slinging the bag over her shoulder, and leaving through the door.

That had been abrupt. Robert noticed that she hadn’t paid her half of the bill, which would mean that he now had no choice but to pay for hers. Well played, Mary. _Well played_. He slapped a few bills onto the table, and went to leave, before Damien called out to him.

“Oh, uh, wait…” He said, standing also. “Would you like to help me wash Betsy? I could do with an extra pair of hands.”

Robert sighed as he stared at Damien expectant face. Everyone seemed to need an ‘extra pair of hands’ ever since he moved to town. He wanted to say no, he really did, but everyone in this town had also seemed to have mastered the puppy dog eyes, and refusing was a futile attempt. “Fine.” Robert thread his fingers through his hair. “Lead the way, I guess.”

They went back to the dull purple building – the one he assumed to be a veterinary clinic. Damien lead him into the back room, but this time Betsy was clawing at the bars, and whimpering loudly. Damien went over to her cage, and open the door. She came bounding out, just like before, and again, headed straight for Robert. Why had God forsaken him?

Betsy jumped at his legs, scratching at his denim jeans. Robert took a deep breath, and again, leant down to pet her, but this time, the abrupt lick did not take him off guard. She was actually pretty cute, he decided, as he rubbed behind her ears.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

* * *

 

 _He was wrong_.

A wave of water crashed down upon him, as Betsy splashed about wildly in the tub of water. Soap suds clung to his clothes, as he stood up, and took off his now wet shirt. Robert definitely should have brought spares, but, like always, he hadn’t thought that far ahead. His biggest weakness – narrow sightedness.

“Sorry!” Damien yelled, getting splashed slightly as he attempted to calm Betsy down. She sat abruptly in the tub, causing the water to spill over the edges. “I’m so sorry…”

Robert smirked, chucking his shirt to the floor in an attempt to cheer Damien up. “It’s fine, really. Clothing is stupid anyway.” He was about to unbutton his sodden pants, to emphasise his point, but Damien quickly stopped him, covering his eyes.

“Don’t – “ His face went red, and he stood up, causing Betsy to start splashing around again. “Ugh…this is a mess…” Damien let out a whimper, looking as if he was going to cry.

Uh oh. Robert would have to take the matter into his own hands. He picked up his wet shirt, and tied it around his head, like a towel, before crouching down and squeezing a dollop of dog shampoo into his hand. He let Betsy mess around, as he swiftly, yet carefully massaged it into her coat, hands moving at an expert like pace. Robert had never done this before, but showering drunk had given him some important life lessons.

Damien slowly removed his hands from his eyes, looking down at Robert in alarm, before he started to laugh. Robert looked up quizzically, wondering why Damien was currently laughing at him. Was he doing it wrong?

Damien giggled helplessly, pointing to the shirt that was currently wrapped around his head. “Your…your head.”

“What about it?” Robert asked, eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Nothing…nothing.” Damien said, grabbing the shower head so he could wash the soap off Betsy.

After what had felt like ages of chasing Betsy around the room, they finally got her dry, and her fur was clean and poofy. Yes, he said it – _poofy_. He was not ashamed of his choice of wording. Betsy nuzzled Roberts leg lightly as he sat on the floor, completely exhausted. Robert smiled wryly, giving her chin a scratch, as she licked his hand.

Damien sat next to him on the floor, slumping against the table. “Well…let’s not do that again anytime soon.” He huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah.” Robert replied, as Betsy rested her head in his lap, snoring immediately. How had she fallen asleep so fast? Was that even possible?

“I just hope someone will adopt her.” Damien said, as he sighed deeply. “She deserves a good home.”

“She does…” Robert muttered, mostly to himself, as he stared down at Betsy’s sleeping form. She was chirping quietly in her sleep, seemingly lost in a dream. He wondered briefly what she was dreaming about – probably food. Robert could relate. “Well…” he said, begrudgingly moving Betsy from his lap, so he could stand. She didn’t even flinch, still lost in sleep. “I should be going.”

Damien chuckled, eyes wandering his bare torso. “Without a shirt?”

Robert had somehow forgotten about his lack of clothing, and looked down in alarm. Yes, he concluded, his nips were currently out in the open. He guessed it wasn’t very neighbourly to walk around without a shirt on, especially because it would make the other dads jealous of his hot dad bod.

“Don’t worry about it. I have a spare shirt in the back.” Damien said, standing up. “It might be a bit small, though.” He left the room, and returned a few seconds later with a purple polo shirt, much like his own. Damien handed it to him, watching as he struggled to pull it over his head. It was, as Damien had said, far too small, and wouldn’t go down past his bellybutton.

Damien was clearly holding back a laugh, as Robert looked at himself in disgust. He looked like he was about to go and grind on people in the club. But, he didn’t have much to work with right now, so it would have to do. Damien gave him a bag to put his wet shirt and jacket into, and then he was on his way – not to the club, to his house.

The cold afternoon wind crept up his stomach, riddling him with goose bumps, as he walked down the street, feeling like a complete idiot.

“Nice shirt.” Said a voice from beside him, and he turned to see Joseph, standing on the sidewalk, smirking at him.

Robert crossed his arms, ashamedly. “It’s Damien’s.”

“Damien, huh?” Joseph said, raising an eyebrow. “Didn’t think he was your type.”

“He’s not.” Robert retorted, gesturing to the bag in his hands. “My clothes got wet, so he leant me a spare shirt.”

Joseph tilted his head to the side. “And how exactly did they get _wet_?”

“We were…uh…washing a dog.” Robert cleared his throat, awkwardly. That sounded like a lie, but it really wasn’t.

“Hey, no judgements here.” Joseph said, raising his hands comically.

Robert scowled now. “Like I said. Not my type.”

“Well, what is your type then?” Joseph asked suddenly, taking Robert by surprise.

Robert paused as he tried to come up with a witty, yet reasonable reply. “Blonde…well dressed…” He said. “…good at hosting get-togethers…”

Damn, now it just sounded like he was flirting.

A smirk tugged at the corners of Joseph lips, and he raised a finger to them, brushing lightly. “Does he also have an unhealthy obsession with yachts?”

Robert twiddled his fingers, brow creasing. “He…might.”

Uh oh, were they flirting right now? This was bad. Why did he have to open his big mouth in an attempt to be edgy?

Joseph huffed out a laugh, clearly noticing Roberts discomfort, as he gestured to his house, across the road. “You should probably get cleaned up, and change into something more…your style.” He smirked. “Although, I don’t mind you in tight fitting clothing.”

Fuck. Robert cleared his throat, and nodded, not trusting himself to reply. His house was cold, and he could barely get the shirt off, but after a furiously long wrestling match with a cloth snake, he finally got it off, chucking it to the floor. The cloth snake had been defeated.

The shower soothed his sore muscles, as he lathered himself with soap, massaging the rough contours of his body. Once he had finished, he smelt refreshingly of pomegranate and lime – according to the bottle. Robert wasn’t sure why he had chosen this specific scent, probably because the bottle had an interesting design of a panda climbing mount Everest. He wasn’t sure what that had to do with either pomegranate _or_ lime, but whatever, you do you panda.

Robert almost tripped over a beer bottle as he entered the living room, collapsing onto the couch, before turning on the TV. He stared lazily at the screen, not really registering what was currently playing. Something about wild animal mating habits, nothing interesting. Robert sighed, boredom creeping up on him as he glared at the clock.

The bar would probably be open now, maybe Mary would be there. She had left abruptly earlier, and he didn’t doubt that she would be drowning her sorrows in a glass of wine when he got there. But, as he walked into the packed bar, eyes searching the booths for anyone that looked even slightly like Mary, he came up short. She wasn’t here. Robert sighed, thinking it was a little strange as he sat on a rickety bar stool. No matter, he’d just have to find fun on his own.

After downing about seven shots of whiskey, he decided to leave the bar, not finding much enjoyment in the mumbled drunk talk of the other bar patrons. It was starting to get dark now, and the tiredness from the day was creeping up on him, so he headed home. Robert fell asleep on the couch soon after.

* * *

 

Robert woke up to bright lights, as per usual, and cradled his aching neck, as he sat up. He grabbed a lukewarm can of some unintelligible alcoholic beverage, and sipped it, cringing as the liquid perused his dry throat.

He stretched, as his phone buzzed from the coffee table, creating the most annoying vibration he had ever heard. Robert picked it up, and barely stopped himself from slamming it into the table, as he glanced at the screen. It was a message from Joseph.

‘Hey Robert. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I’m taking the kids shopping, and I need an extra pair of hands.’

Seriously? How come every time Joseph messaged him it was to ask him to do something he didn’t want to do. No nudes, no good morning texts, nothing, just requests. If he had to hear ‘I need an extra pair of hands’ one more damn time, he was going to punch himself in the face. And that was a promise.

Joseph seemed to be asking a lot of him lately. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Josephs company, but he did admit he was feeling a little used. But, since he had nothing else to do, as always, he would of course, accept.

Robert stood outside Josephs house, waiting a few seconds before knocking. Joseph answered almost immediately, Christie sitting on his hip, and Christian trailing lazily behind.

The store was surprisingly large, and as Joseph grabbed a shopping cart from the corner, Christie jumped into it without a second thought, while Christian ran around in various circles, almost knocking into passers-by. Luckily, they didn’t seem too annoyed by Christians behaviour, and simply moved out of his way.

Well, this was going to be an adventure.

Joseph grabbed the usual things, as Christian continuously chucked in random items – Christie egging him on from inside the cart. Mostly sweets – and…were those _crocs_? Robert noted Christian clear lack in style or any sort of fashion sense. If Satan was real – which he was, because Robert had met him once at a burning man festival – he would definitely wear bright yellow crocs, which he was, at the festival. It still gave Robert nightmares.

Joseph was blissfully unaware as this was going on though, pushing the car along like it was just another day of relaxing family shopping. Robert had to commend his mettle, however, as he skilfully placed most of the items back in their respectful places as the cart did another circuit. Except for a few things…and the crocs. Seriously? _Crocs_? He took out the fruit loops, yet he kept the crocs? What kind of animal would do such a thing? Robert now knew where Christian had gotten his terrible footwear fashion sense.

Before they got to the checkout, Joseph put a few bottles of red wine in for good measure, as Robert raised an eyebrow. Joseph chuckled. “For Mary.”

Ah. Makes sense. She probably gets through at least seven bottles a day. Christie and Christian both helped place the items on the conveyer belt, although, really, it wasn’t at all helpful, since they were putting them onto the one that was currently out of order, as the cashier looked on in disgust. But, they were trying their best, so Robert couldn’t fault them.

After they had paid, and left the store, they unloaded the groceries and…the _crocs_ , into the house. Robert sighed in relief at a job well done, and headed for the door, face hopeful. But then, Joseph called out to him, again. “Wanna take the kids to the park?”

No, he didn’t. Not one bit. But he was _gonna_. Robert had seemed to have somehow integrated himself – unknowingly, into someone else’s family. And honestly, Robert wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He had already messed up his own family, and he didn’t want to be responsible for another tragedy.

The park was bright, and loud…and _annoying_. But Joseph seemed happy, as they both sat on a bench, watching the kids as they ran around like little psychopaths. He hadn’t had a drink what seemed like a life time, and he most definitely needed pills of some kind, if he was going to make it through another family outing. At least this time, he could actually talk to Joseph, alone.

Just as he had thought this, Christie came running up to him, and placed a dead mouse by his feet, before running off again. What was she, a _cat_? Well, as close to alone as they were going to get right now.

“Nice day, huh.” Joseph said, quietly.

Robert cleared his throat. “In a conventional sense of the word ‘nice’, I guess it would be, yes. I personally prefer the rain.”

This caused Joseph to raise an eyebrow at him, smirking slightly, before is eyes trailed back to the park, where Christie and Christian were currently building a sandcastle, although to be fair, it was just a pile of sand. No matter how many times you called it a ‘castle’, it would still be – a pile of sand. What he was saying was, neither of them should pursue a career in architecture.

The sun made him physically want to cry, and the only reason he was still sitting here, was because Josephs face looked perfect in this lighting. No really, perfect, in every sense of the word. Robert sighed a deep sigh, starting at Josephs profile for longer than socially acceptable.

Joseph noticed this, however, a chuckled lightly, threading his fingers through his golden locks, as the sun glinted off his smoothly pale face. _Damn_. “Like what you see?”

Robert almost fell off the bench, gripping it tightly to steady himself, as he attempted to recover, and come up with some sort of response to _that_. But before he could say a word, Joseph put a hand over his own, intertwining their fingers, before speaking again. “You don’t have to be shy, you know?” He squeezed lightly. “Mary isn’t here.”

Robert almost choked on his own self-loathing, which he had a lot of. Had Joseph just said that? Or was he imagining things? Because honestly, it was fifty – fifty at this point, and there was a large possibility that he was currently dreaming.

What if Mary was actually here, and this was all a set up? No, that was extremely unlikely, why would Mary be at a children’s park? She can’t even stand her own kids, let alone _other_ people’s kids.

Alright, clearly there was a misunderstanding here. Joseph probably just wanted to make sure he didn’t run off and attempt to ride the swings, effectively pushing all the children out of the way. Which he would never do, of course, he was a grown man, he had values, and _respect_. But, the swings did look really fun though… No, Robert, don’t do it. This is exactly what Joseph is trying to stop you from doing, _don’t_ embarrass yourself. Robert glanced at the swings longingly – maybe another day, maybe another time, but for now he had a sliver of dignity to protect, one that was slowly dwindling.

And now he was just rambling in his head because he was extremely nervous at the situation unfolding here, and Josephs hand was _on_ his right now, out in the _open_ , in the middle of a _park_ , where anyone could _see_.

“I – “ Robert started to say, but before he could finished, he felt the around his retract, as Joseph stood.

“I’ll be right back, duty calls. Watch the kids, will you?”

“Uh…” Robert was not comfortable with this much responsibility. But, without waiting for an answer, Joseph left in search of a public restroom.

Right.

Robert sighed, fishing into his pocket for a cigarette, and as he rested one between his lips, he heard a startled cough from beside him. “Smoking? In a children’s park?”

Robert turned to see the familiar freckled face, and tousled ginger hair, of his worst enemy. Brian. The mere sight of him made Robert want to stuff another devilled egg into his mouth, effectively choking himself, but instead, he took the cigarette out of his mouth, and put it back into his pocket. “Not anymore, I guess.”

Brian chuckled, plonking down beside him. _Why?_

Robert was tempted to stand up, and make some sort of excuse, like needing to buy a shit ton of ice cream right at this opportune moment, but then Christie and Christian would be left to their own devices, and he wasn’t sure that would be safe for anyone. So, he stayed seated, begrudging every decision he’d ever made.

“Nice day, isn’t it?” Brian asked, leaning back against the bench.

 _No_. “Yeah, sure is.” Robert replied, resting his arm on the arm of the bench. Armception.

“So, which are yours?” Brian asked, cutting through the beautiful silence that Robert had been revelling in. Clearly, he couldn’t appreciate a good bit of silence. As expected from his nemesis.

“None, I’m here with Joseph.” Robert said, nodding in the direction of the public toilets. Joseph sure was taking a while.

“Ah, I was wondering where he was once I saw Christie and Christian.” Brian chuckled heartily. “I asked them what they were up to, and they told me they were digging a tunnel to hell.”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, that sounds like them alright.” He then glanced over to them, to make sure they hadn’t, in fact, fallen into the hole they had dug. Which thankfully, they hadn’t. _Yet_.

“So, how’s Joseph?” Brian asked, more like a statement than a question. “I didn’t know you and he were so close.”

“We’re not, really.” Robert replied, fighting the urge to chew on the cigarette he had recently been denied. “I’ve just been helping him out a lot lately.”

“Is that _so_?” Brian raised an eyebrow suggestively. “It’s pretty clear to anyone with eyes that him and Mary aren’t compatible, but I didn’t think he’d be one to take a mistress.”

What? Roberts eyebrows furrowed, brow creasing as he attempted to take in what this burly ginger man had just said. Clearly, Brian had gotten the wrong idea – somehow. Is that how it looked to everyone else?

“You think I’m Josephs…side hoe?” He asked, suddenly.

Brian laughed loudly at this. “I wouldn’t have put it quite like that, but yeah, that’s about right.”

“Uh, that’s not…” Robert started, not exactly sure how he could make himself sound not-guilty in this situation. “I’m not…”

“It’s alright, buddy.” Robert cringed at the word ‘buddy’, as Brian smirked at him, one of those shit eating grins people had when they knew they had dirt on you. “No judgement here.”

Firstly, that was a lie. There was extreme judgement going on here, he could _feel_ it. Secondly, Robert was not, and would never be, Brian’s buddy. Thirdly, he was _not_ Josephs side hoe. Yes, they were currently sneaking around Mary, having family get togethers without her, and possibly flirting – depending on your definition of flirting – every once in a while. But that didn’t mean –

Holy shit. He _was_ Josephs side hoe.

Roberts eyes widened as the realisation struck him, and all he could do was stare blankly at the dead mouse by his feet, as Brian patted him on the shoulder. “Your secrets safe with me, buddy.” Before leaving, assumedly to go and be an asshole somewhere else.

Again, with that word. Robert felt like that word, from whatever deep pit of hell it came from, was a word only someone like Brian would use. Someone that was content with constantly one upping his neighbours with his bear-like figure, intense ginger hair, and Viking beard. Robert hated him, and now, he felt personally threatened by him. Not a good mix.

Robert wasn’t fucking Joseph – even though he would admit, he had thought about it a few times – but that wasn’t the point. What if Brian and his big, sexy mouth decided to spread that inaccurate rumour around the neighbourhood. Mary would definitely hear about it. Then he would be forced into exile, and be forever running from his problems. Although, he was already doing that, but he didn’t want to do it while actually _running_.

Robert almost huffed a sigh of relief as Joseph finally emerged from the toilets, and sat back down next to him. He thread his fingers through his hair, and swallowed dryly. He could really use that cigarette right about now. But, maybe he was just overthinking things. Maybe, it was just a coincidence. _Maybe_ , he wasn’t actually Josephs side hoe.

Without thinking, he turned to face Joseph, who seemed to be consuming the sun rays with his relaxed expression. There was only one way to find out for sure. “Joseph…”

Josephs blue eyes found his, and he smiled warmly. “Yes?”

Robert cleared his throat, awkwardly. “Am I…” Now, how exactly was he going to word this. “…are we…”

“Are we what?” Joseph asked, resting his head on his hand, as he stared at Robert.

Robert thought for a moment, carefully constructing his answer, before replying. “Am I the salad the sits on a dish beside your main course?”

“…what?” Joseph raised an eyebrow, clearly in a state of extreme confusion.

Robert pinched himself on the arm, _hard_. Luckily, Joseph didn’t notice, and before Robert could say anything else embarrassing, Christie and Christian came running up to them. Christian looked like he was about to throw up, and Christie just looked excited to be here at this exact moment in time.

“Christian ate a bug!” Christie yelled, grinning widely. Ah, so that’s why she looked so happy, her brother had eaten a bug. Wait. What? On his watch? Joseph was going to kill him.

Josephs eyes widened, as he stared at them both, emotionless, before smiling suddenly. “What bug was it?”

Huh?

“A black beetle!” Christie yelled in reply, way too enthused about this whole situation.

Robert watched in concern as Joseph stood, stretching widely. “Alright, well, I think that’s enough park-ing for today. We should probably head home.” Before he turned to look at Robert, eyes cold. “Robert, you coming?”

“Uh, yeah…sure.” Robert was taken aback by Josephs icy glare, but stood anyway, following Joseph back to his car.

When they arrived home, or – to Josephs house, the kids ran inside, ad Robert made a move to apologise, now that he and Joseph were alone on the doorstep. “I’m sorry about what happened, it was on my watch…I take full responsibility for what – “

“I know.” Joseph stated abruptly, cutting him off. Robert had never heard that tone of voice before, and honestly, he never wanted to again. Robert swallowed. “You were clearly busy talking to Brian.” Joseph smiled a sugary sweet smile, one that shook him to the core.

“Oh…yeah, he came over to talk to me, for a few minutes. Nothing big.” Robert made out, second guessing every word. Why did he feel like he had been caught cheating?

“I _saw_.” Joseph replied, huffing out a laugh. “You seemed to be having fun.”

Really? Because from where Robert had been sitting, he had been constantly fighting the urge to backflip off the face of the earth. Brian tended to make people want to do that. Stupid, sexy, Viking Brian. Oh, look, a new nickname. Stop it, Robert, now was clearly not the time to be making jokes. “I promise you, I was having absolutely zero percent fun.”

“Alright.” Joseph said, opening the door that had slammed shut while they had been talking. “I believe you.”

A passive aggressive ‘I believe you’? This was not how he had wanted the day to end. Robert was about to say something else, and somehow resolve the situation, but before he could, Joseph went inside, and slammed the door behind him.

Well, shit. When Robert entered his house, it smelt of sorrow and disappointment – more so than usual, as he collapsed onto the couch. What had just happened? Robert still had no idea, but as his mind wandered through the possibilities, he fell into a deep, and restless sleep.


	3. Uh oh

When Robert awoke, his back ached far more than usual, and his head was filled with Joseph’s cold eyes, boring into him like ice. Why had he been so irritated? Robert found his phone on the coffee table, and turned it on, before starting to type out a message.

‘Hey, Joseph. I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’

His thumb hovered for a short while, before he hit send, and tossed his phone onto the couch, as he made his way to kitchen to find something to eat. When he returned to the living room, buttered bread in hand, he grabbed his phone, expecting a reply from Joseph. But, all he saw was a blank screen.

Right. Maybe Joseph wasn’t feeling talkative right now, Robert decided, before stuffing the bread into his mouth, and shrugging on his jacket. Robert left the house, squinting as he stepped outside, revelling slightly in the smell of the morning air – it smelt like burnt toast and vegetation, but he found himself enjoying it, something he never thought he would get to experience.

As he started down the street, someone collided with him, sending him to the floor. Robert grunted as pain coursed through his ass, and looked up to see a muscly looking guy, wearing workout gear, and the _coolest_ Nikes he had ever seen. The man was pretty damn attractive if he did say so himself, and the line cut into his eyebrow made Robert almost forgive him for smashing into him. Almost.

Robert got to his feet, slowly, as the man looked on, eyes wide.

“Bro…I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, I didn’t expect anyone to be out this early,” the athletic man said, mumbling as he looked at his feet. Damn, where _did_ he get those Nikes? Robert was about to ask him just that, when the man spoke again.

“I’m Craig, by the way,” Craig smirked awkwardly, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I saw you at the cookout a few days ago.”

Robert’s mind immediately went back to the cookout, where he had stood in a corner for two hours, staring into space, and almost choked on a handful of olives. Good times. “Oh yeah, I remember…that,” he said, grimacing, “the names Robert,” he held out a hand.

Craig nervously took it, shaking lightly, not meeting his eyes. “Sorry about bumping into you, I never see people here at this time.”

Robert raised an eyebrow. “It’s eleven in the morning.”

“Yeah…” Craig looked to the side, “most of the dads either work late, or just like to sleep in. The only person I see out here this early, is Joseph.”

Robert perked up at the mention of that name. “Joseph? Did you see him today?”

“I did, he said he had something important to do,” Craig said, frowning, “didn’t say what though…”

Right. “Well, I should be – “ Just as he was about to make an excuse to leave, he heard rapid footsteps, and looked up to see Damien running towards him, face red, like he had been sprinting a marathon.

Damien stopped abruptly by Robert, bending over for a short moment to catch his breath, before standing up to face him. “Robert! It’s Betsy!” He practically yelled, voice cracking as his breath came out in jagged pants.

Roberts froze, palms sweaty. “What about Betsy?” He asked, eyes filled with concern. Did something bad happen?

“I didn’t know what to do…” Damien mumbled, hair sticking out messily, as he squinted, “I didn’t know who else to go to…” he looked like he was about to burst out crying, “I can’t find Mary anywhere…and…and…”

“Damien, it’s going to be okay,” Robert put a hand on Damien’s shoulder, reassuringly, “take me to Betsy.”

Robert waved a quick ‘goodbye’ to Craig, as he followed Damien to the veterinary animal shelter. They both rushed into the back room, where Betsy was laying, motionless on the floor. Robert swallowed dryly, thinking the worst, as he bent down beside her, and rested a hand on her chest. He felt the subtle beating of a tiny heart, and his entire body relaxed.

Damien crouched beside him. “She’s been like this all morning. I tried to get her to eat something, but she won’t, she just lays there,” he explained, stroking her ears lightly, “I even brought her favourite, a tuna and peanut butter sandwich…but she didn’t even look at it.”

“Wait…tuna and peanut butter? How the hell did you find that out?” Robert asked, already tasting the awful combination.

Damien huffed out a laugh, but it lacked any real humour. “Mary was drunk, and she told me she was craving peanut butter, and tuna, so I made her a sandwich,” he smirked, reliving the fond memory, “Betsy grabbed it from her hands, just as she was about to take a bite, and swallowed the whole thing, without even chewing.”

Robert smiled, picturing the situation in his head, and wishing he had been there. But his attention quickly went back to Betsy, her black and white form lying lifeless by his feet. “Betsy…” Robert spoke softly, holding his hand near her nose, so she could smell him. She blinked slightly, before a tired tongue came out to lick at his hand.

Damien gasped, a smile forming on his face. “Do you think she’s getting better? Maybe it was nothing after all.”

Robert took a deep breath, “maybe,” he stroked the top of her head lightly, then round to scratch under her chin. Betsy moved into this, sniffing rapidly, as her nose nuzzled his hand.

“Thank goodness, Robert,” Damien sighed, resting a head against his shoulder, “I thought she was going to…” he stopped, not quite able to say the words, but Robert understood him.

“It’s alright,” Robert said, glancing over at Damien, as he unconsciously tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Damien looked up abruptly at this, clearly not realising he had been leaning on Robert, and his face heated up.

“Sorry, I hadn’t meant to, I was just…relieved,” Damien explained, smirking slightly as he looked down at Betsy again.

Robert looked to the side briefly, Betsy still snuffling lazily at his hand, before he spoke. “Has anyone tried to adopt her yet?”

Damien looked solemn at this. “No, not yet,” he said, eyes still watering from the shock a few moments ago.

Robert attempted to stop himself from saying it, he knew he couldn’t take care of a dog, he could barely look after himself, but his mouth moved too quickly for him to keep track. “I’ll adopt her.”

Damien’s eyes widened, and he sat up abruptly, voice full of surprise. “You will?!”

“Yes…” Robert said, uncertainty lining his features, as he cringed at the thought of responsibility. It couldn’t be that hard, right?

Damien lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Roberts shoulders, as he squeezed tightly, before leaning back. “Sorry, I…”

“It’s fine, really,” Robert waved him off, smiling in reassurance, “I don’t mind flash hugs.” Although in reality, he hated physical contact.

Damien’s brow furrowed, and he looked like he was going to cry again. “Thank you, Robert, you don’t know how much this means to me.”

After an extremely long, well, longer than expected talk about dog care, and how many times you were supposed to walk them for optimum exercise, Robert was intensely regretting his decision. But, he couldn’t back out now, he had committed, and he was going to stick to the commitment, no matter what.

Damien attached the red lead to Betsy’s matching collar, and immediately as he did so, she jumped up at him, looking bright and cheerful. He looked serene, peaceful even, as he stroked her back, handing the lead to Robert, and asking tentatively. “May I come and visit her…sometime?”

“Of course,” Robert chided, lead firmly wrapped around his wrist, “whenever you want.”

“Oh, right…” Damien said, as Robert turned to leave, and grabbed a small bottle of pills from the side, handing it over, “her pain medication. Give her one crushed pill with food each night.”

Robert pocketed them. “I will. Thanks for the advice, I promise I’ll take good care of her.”

* * *

 

Robert left after that, with Betsy trailing happily behind him, a sense of accomplishment pumping strong through his veins. Something he hadn’t felt in a long while – well, except for the time he’d gone to that cookout with a killer hangover – the one that Craig had reminded him about, the one he hadn’t wanted to remember, the one he had tried his hardest to push to the deepest pits of his mind. _That one_.

Betsy decided, just as he was about to get home, that she wanted to run around in circles, and tie his legs together with the red lead, that he had been provided with. Robert frowned, attempting to unravel himself from the dog thread of death, and stumbling as she started running again, almost pulling him over. He steadied himself, and unwound the lead, coaxing Betsy with all his heavenly might to stay still for a moment. She complied, plonking down on the tarmac, and then they were off again.

Robert was about to open the door, when he realised that Betsy probably wanted a walk, since she seemed full of energy, and instead got into his truck. Betsy rolled around on the leather of the back seats, and made a strange sort of chirping noise. He couldn’t tell whether she liked the material, or was just trying to roll it out of existence. Robert drove upwards, and unconsciously went in the direction of the hill with a magnificent view of the city. Could dogs appreciate views? Well, either way, that’s where they were going, apparently.

Robert pondered the fact that he was probably dancing with death, going back to the place he had almost been molested by a pair of demon eyes, but the view was undeniable, and he definitely needed to experience it in the day.

Once they had arrived, he parked up, and let Betsy out, tying her lead to the fence in front, as he sat down beside her. It wasn’t as beautiful as it had been at night, with all the lights and shit, but it was sure worth seeing. Robert grabbed a stick, and decided he would try and carve Betsy, but after an hour of trying, and only a black and white blur digging in the mud to work with, he gave up, and chucked the wooden replica of Simon Cowell on fire to the side.

He stood, and opened the door to his truck, grabbing a lukewarm can of cola from the glove compartment. Robert should really invest in an ice box, but then again, it would probably also be lukewarm by the time he got to it. Maybe he should just stop drinking altogether and wait for the cold embrace of death. That was morbid, Robert, just drink your cola and shut up.

Robert opened the can and took a sip, cringing at the taste. It was awful, like he had predicted, yet he kept on drinking. Oh, the horrors of life. Once he had drained the entire can of what tasted like watered down oil with a shit ton of sugar in it, he scrunched it up and chucked it on the floor.

Wait, littering was bad. He stared at the squished can on the floor, covered in a light dusting of dirt, as it sat there, begging him to pick it up.

_Nah_. Robert walked back over to his spot, where his discarded failed attempt at wood carving lay, and stroked Betsy, who had finished digging her hole, and was now sitting there, covered in mud. Great, he’d have to wash her now. He ruffled her fur, attempting to get as much dirt out of her coat as possible, when she started barking. It was sudden, and startled, as if she had only just noticed something.

Betsy barked loudly, pulling at where her lead was tied, as she tried to run forward. Robert looked in the direction she was barking in, and saw the trees of the wood looming darkly over them. Maybe she had seen something too? Just as Robert had stood to grab her lead, and untie it, the lead slipped through his fingers, as she dashed off between the trees – into the woods.

_Uh oh_.

Robert began running after her, entering the woods behind her, as he attempted to keep up. But she was too fast. He was panting now, as he hunched over, grabbing his knees. _Shit_ , his lungs felt like they were on fire.

Robert stood up, shielding his eyes from the sun as he searched the trees, seeing nothing but more trees. He had just adopted a dog, and he had already lost it – _good job Robert, knew I could count on you_ – shut up Robert, this is definitely not the time to be arguing with yourself.

He heard barking echoing in the distance, and ran in the general direction of the noise, calling out her name, although it sounded more like brief gasps. Robert ran out into a clearing, where he saw Betsy licking something on the ground, but he was too far away to see clearly.

The air was rank with death, and rotten meat, a smell he never wanted to smell. Once he had inched closer, he could see that Betsy’s fur was stained red, and his stomach dropped, bile rising in his throat. Had she been injured? Robert leaned down to pick up her lead, that had been trailing through the leaves. He could never have prepared himself for what he saw in front of him.

It wasn’t her blood. Roberts body relaxed for the second time today, but it tensed again as his eyes found the source of the blood.

It was…a deer, or – _half_ of a deer. Its decapitated head was lying on the ground, beige fur matted with coagulated blood, as its eyes stared lifelessly at him. Robert blinked as he stepped back, pulling Betsy with him. She scrabbled at the dirt, attempting to get back at the deer, but he held her steady. Robert felt his stomach quiver, as he inhaled the scent that engulfed him with nausea – the smell of pulverised flesh, and burnt hair.

What had done this? Robert held Betsy’s lead tighter, as she struggled even more, eyes glued on the carcass in front of her. If it was anywhere else, he would’ve just assumed it to have been done by a large coyote or wolf, since that was most likely, but google had told him there weren’t any here, although it is possible one had migrated temporarily. A demented poacher, maybe?

Roberts eyes wandered the vicinity, before finding a deer leg, not too far from the body, with something tied around it. He walked up to it, managing Betsy as she scrabbled for freedom, and knelt beside it, to look closer. When he saw it, his blood ran cold, as his mind went back to those eyes, staring at him through the darkness. It was a knotted rope, like the one he had found that night, differing only by the red stain now tinting it.

Robert reached into his pocket to compare them, but his hand found nothing. Huh? He reached deeper, clawing at the sides of his pockets, _searching_ for it. But again, he found nothing. Robert checked his other pocket, then his jacket pocket, then his first pocket again.

But there was nothing there.

What? Had he dreamt the entire thing? There was no way. It had definitely been real. Hadn’t it?

Robert stood, as he swiftly exited the forest. He had promised Betsy a walk, but he would have to postpone that promise for another time. He unlinked Betsy’s lead and collar from the fence, and put her in the car, before jumping into the driver’s seat. As he pulled away, he looked behind him in the rear-view mirror, and could’ve sworn he’d seen those same eyes. But it was probably just his imagination.

When Robert arrived home, he put Betsy down, immediately regretting it as she ran mud throughout the entirety of his house. ‘Adopt a dog’ he had said, ‘it wouldn’t be that bad’ he had said. _He_ had been very wrong. But at least he had made Damien happy, if only for a little while.

Robert took Betsy into the bathroom and wrestled her into the bath, washing the dirt out of her fur, before drying her. Betsy’s fur poofed up like static, and Robert couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of her, rolling around on the tiles like a little ball of fluff. It was fucking _adorable_.

He attempted to take his mind off what had happened, and sat down on the couch, before realising it was the afternoon – of course nothing good would be on TV right now. Betsy had curled up on the floor by the heater, revelling in its warmth after the traumatic experience of bathing.

Robert sighed, and picked up his phone, checking it again. Nothing from Joseph still. He went onto the internet, and decided to look up ‘moth man’ – maybe he had been the one murdering deer in the woods. Immediately as he typed it in, a suggestion popped up called ‘moth man x bigfoot fanfiction’.

What? Roberts eyes narrowed at the words, as he attempted to decode them. What the hell was a _fanfiction_? He clicked on the link, and it brought him to a dodgy looking site, with what seemed to be a story attached to it. Robert started to read it, licking his chapped lips.

_Moth man looked up as his eyes twinkled in the moonlight, coming face to face with bigfoots large, hairy form. He looked beautiful, moth man thought, as he surveyed the others features, bringing his face forward to nuzzle against bigfoots leg._

Robert swallowed, slightly intrigued, and a little disgusted, but he carried on reading nonetheless.

_Bigfoot growled at this, but he felt large, strong hands dance across his bare head, encouraging him to continue. Moth man leaned closer, his lips barely brushing bigfoots peaking, hairy erection._

Robert almost choked on his own spit, as his eyes widened at the screen. Was this _porn_? Of moth man and bigfoot? He pulled the phone away from his face. No, he couldn’t, his virgin eyes would not be subjected to this filth.

But after a few moments of silence, Robert quickly found himself looking at the screen again.

_He licked a line along the underside of bigfoots cock, coating it in a light sheen, as pre-cum leaked from the tip. Moth man took bigfoots swelling erection into his mouth, and –_

DING DONG.

“Fuck!” Robert yelled, chucking his phone onto the couch, as his heart raced rapidly in his chest. That was close.

There was a knock on the door after a moment of silence. It seemed polite, yet insistent, not taking him off guard like the bell had. He hadn’t even realised he’d had a bell, so naturally it was a shock. Robert dragged his feet to the door, and opened it, as he was met with Josephs expectant expression.

“Joseph?” Robert asked abruptly, brows furrowed.

Joseph looked at Robert in concern, tilting his head to the side. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Robert froze for a moment, before recollecting himself. “Yeah, yeah...I’m…fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

“Can I come in?” Joseph asked, and without another word walked straight past Robert and into the living room.

Roberts eyes narrowed as he watched Joseph invite himself in. “I guess,” he mumbled, shutting the door behind him.

Joseph stopped suddenly, staring at Betsy, who was still sleeping soundly by the heater, completely ignoring what was going on in front of her. “You have a dog?”

“As of today, yeah,” Robert said, as he walked over to stand beside them.

Joseph blinked. “She’s…pretty cute…” he reached out a hand to touch her, but her head immediately shot up, and she bit his hand, causing him to jump back with a startled grunt.

“Betsy!” Robert’s eyes widened, and he turned to Joseph, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think she’d – “

“It’s fine…really…” Joseph cut him off, rubbing his hand, “she’s probably just scared.” Joseph then seemed to have noticed the muddy pawprints still littering the house, eyebrows knitting together tightly. “What happened here?”

“Oh,” Robert scratched the back of his head, “we went to the woods earlier, and Betsy got a little…dirty.”

Joseph huffed out a laugh. “You know there’s a perfectly good park over the road from here?”

Yeah, but he had wanted Betsy to see the awesome view – instead she had almost eaten the decapitated corpse of a deer, and almost gotten lost, forever in the dark depths of the woods. So, maybe a park would be a better plan next time. “Noted,” Robert stated, before his eyes met with Josephs, “you’re not still mad at me, are you?”

Joseph looked to the side then, as if he had been hoping Robert wouldn’t bring it up. “About that…” he said, sighing slightly, “I’m sorry, I definitely overreacted.”

“Nah, it was completely justified,” Robert replied, scratching the back of his head again, “I was the one who wasn’t watching the kids properly, you had a right to be mad about it.”

Joseph tilted his head to the side at this, bringing his hand up to dance across his jaw. “That’s what you thought…” he started, but stopped himself, shaking his head, “no matter, it’s all in the past now, no need to dwell on things.”

Robert swallowed, before sitting down on the couch, not sure as to why Joseph was here. Had he come here just to set things straight? Joseph sat next to him, and his eyes narrowed, before he reached under his butt, and pulled out Roberts phone. Oh, right, he had forgotten about that. The screen was still illuminated.

Oh _fuck_.

Joseph held the phone up in front of him, clearly curious about the glowing phone, but before he could do anything further, Robert had snatched the phone from his hands.

Robert immediately turned the phone off, and shoved it deep into his pocket, hiding all evidence of his previous endeavours. “Aha…aha…thanks for finding my phone…” he chuckled nervously.

Joseph smirked at him, eyebrow raised in intrigue. “Hiding something?”

“What makes you say that?” Robert asked suddenly, fingers fidgeting at his sides as he tried to change the topic. “So,” he started, not quite sure how to word what he was trying to say, “…what brings you here?”

Joseph turned to him, an innocent smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Me and the kids are going to the Santa Monica Pier this evening, and I was wondering if you wanted to come?” he said, before adding with a grin, “there’ll be lots of food.”

Robert licked his lips at the promise of food, already imagining all the greasy confectionaries he would get to consume. “How could I possibly refuse?”

“Perfect,” Joseph smiled widely, before standing, and heading for the door. “I’ll pick you up at six.” And with that, he was gone, like he had never even been here at all.

* * *

 

Robert showered, getting rid of the dirt and blood residue on his skin, before changing into clean clothes – as clean as his clothes could get. Still smelling of the good old pomegranate and lime panda on mount Everest body wash, he brushed through his hair – although it didn’t really do anything, and his hair still dried tousled and out of place, but that was kind of the look he was going for. Or at least that’s what he told himself after twenty minutes of attempting to arrange his hair in a presentable fashion.

Robert was about to take a swig from the whiskey bottle on the side, to prepare for what was about to come, when the doorbell rang, causing Betsy to jump off the couch, where she had been lying, and run straight under the couch. What the _hell_? She sure was a strange one. He opened the door to find Joseph, with Christie and Christian standing either side of him, as Chris loitered behind uncomfortably.

Joseph was wearing a woollen taupe jumper, with blue skinny jeans, and a long beige coat. Robert decided, after a short while of contemplation, that he looked pretty damn hot in that attire, but he definitely would _not_ tell him that. “You look…nice.”

Dammit, Robert, why are you like this?

Josephs face brightened at this, and he extended a hand. “Thanks,” he said, “you ready to go?”

Robert had awkwardly sat in the passenger seat of Josephs car, as the kids all bundled into the back, smashing on their seatbelts like it was some sort of race. Joseph put on the radio, and he started driving, before turning up the volume slightly. The song was familiar to Robert, and he then recognised it as ‘Margaritaville’ by Jimmy Buffet. A classic.

When they arrived on the pier, the lights were illuminating brilliantly through the night, and it looked like a scene out of a movie. Perfect, and ethereal, like it wasn’t supposed to be truly real, just an image in somebody’s mind. Robert had heard about the pier before, but he’d never been drunk enough to check it out, although he wasn’t drunk right now, and he was definitely enjoying it more than he would’ve if he had been completely hammered. He probably would’ve fallen straight off the pier.

They walked along the surprisingly stable wooden platform, avoiding various people, as Christie and Christian ran circles around them, as per usual. Robert was surprised at how calm Joseph looked, compared to yesterday, he seemed quite serene as he walked, blonde hair rippling in the light breeze.

Robert stumbled then, almost bumping into someone because he hadn’t been paying attention to what was in front of him. When would he stop making a fool of himself? _When_?

He stood up straight, to apologise to whoever he had nearly knocked into, when his eyes narrowed. Red curls, bodacious beard, lightly freckled, yet attractive features.

Robert swallowed dryly, wishing he had taken that swig of whiskey before leaving. “Brian,” he stated, as if there was a foul taste, and he was simply putting it into words.

Brian looked up at him, brown eyes beaming, as he smiled. “Robert! Fancy seeing you here!”

“What a nice surprise,” Joseph said, nodding in Brian’s direction, “you here with Daisy?”

“Yeah, she’s trying to win a stuffed duck,” Brian explained, looking over to the side, where Daisy was shooting at some moving targets, “got a knack for winning, this one, so she’ll probably be coming home with a ton of things I’ll have to find room for,” he chuckled.

Joseph’s expression dulled, and he put a hand on Christies shoulder. “Christie is an expert level pianist.”

“Well isn’t that something,” Brian huffed out a laugh, “her and Daisy seem to have a lot in common.”

“Daddy!” Christie whined, “can I go and shoot ducks too?”

“Me too! Me too!” Christian joined in, tugging at Josephs sleeve.

Chris grunted beside them, in what Robert assumed was an attempt to join in with the ongoing duck rampage. Joseph rubbed the back of his neck, as his brows drew together. “Will you guys be alright?”

“Sure, they will!” Brian chided, smirking as he crossed his arms, “me and Daisy will make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.”

Joseph looked to the side warily, in what seemed like contemplation, before nodding briefly. “Alright, you can go play. But don’t shoot anything that isn’t the targets, we don’t want an incident like last time.”

_Last time_? What the hell happened _last time_? Robert was genuinely curious, but at the same time, he felt like it was probably better left unsaid. Joseph handed them some cash, and all three of them sprinted with extreme speed over to where Daisy was now holding four stuffed ducks, and a rhinoceros. Damn, maybe he should teach her how to play poker.

“Don’t worry about them, they’ll be fine,” Brian said, threading his fingers through his hair, “you guys go have fun,” he motioned in a general direction, and Robert could’ve sworn he had _winked_ at him.

Robert pouted at this, about to say something else, before Joseph sighed, and started walking, causing Robert to have to jog a little to catch up. As they walked, side by side, along the pier, Robert felt a hand encase his own, entwining their fingers together. He swallowed, before glancing at Joseph, who was still staring forward, into the un-see able distance.

Josephs hand was warm, and he could feel the heat resonate with him, as they walked along the breezy pier. Robert found himself enjoying the feel of Josephs skin against his, as Joseph stopped in front of a stall that was selling lots of delicious smelling treats. Joseph bought them both a stick of chocolate covered strawberries, and they walked to the side of the pier, staring off over the curling waves.

Robert bit a strawberry off the end of the stick, savouring the sweet bitterness that coated his tongue, as he surveyed the way the colourful lights danced across the water. It was beautiful, and the good food only made it better. As well as Joseph being next to him, of course. The lingering smell of warm pastries and salt water only made him revel in the moment more, as he seemed to lose track of everything around him.

After they had finished eating, they both leaned their arms on the side, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the foundations of the pier. It was silent for a while, before Joseph spoke.

“Does this make you happy?” Joseph asked suddenly, staring off into the skyline.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Joseph blinked, resting his head on his arms. “Are you happy right now?”

“Yeah,” Robert replied, glancing at him, “I guess I would say I was happy, yes.”

Josephs blue eyes met his, as he stood up straight, fixing his coat. “Good,” his eyes darted to the side, as if he had noticed something, before looking back at Robert, expression unreadable. “You have some chocolate on your face.”

“Do I?” Robert asked, dabbing at his mouth slightly. He was a messy eater, so it didn’t really surprise him.

“Let me…” Joseph said, and before Robert could do anything more, Joseph was licking at the corner of his lips. Robert jolted, hands coming up to find Josephs shoulders, as Joseph bit his bottom lip, tugging slightly. And then, Joseph was kissing him. The kiss was deep, and sensual, causing Robert to quiver as Joseph roughly cupped his face, pulling him closer.

Their bodies were flush against each other now, causing Robert to almost forget they were currently on a crowded pier. Robert pulled back, eyes meeting with Josephs, once again, as Joseph smirked and licked his lips. “It tastes even better on you.”

Robert swallowed dryly, the feel of Josephs lips still heavy on his, as he glanced around, eyes finding Brian, who was standing a few yards away, staring in their direction. Had he been watching them? Roberts face felt hot, and he cleared his throat, letting out a short breath. “We should uh…go find the kids…”

“Why?” Joseph asked, eyes boring into him, “don’t you want to be alone with me?”

“No, no…it’s not that,” Robert shook his head, “I just…”

“Good,” Joseph stated, grabbing his hand, and pulling him towards the Ferris wheel. This could only end badly.

Robert sat in the glass encased carriage, looking over the side as his shaking palms gripped the railings. Truth be told, he was deathly afraid of heights, and all his mind could do right now was imagine all the ways he was going to die at this very moment. Joseph noticed his behaviour, and chuckled lightly. “Are you scared?”

“No,” Robert said, a little too quickly, as his eyes darted from Joseph to the glass window – the only thing standing between them and certain death. He could feel the entire carriage shake, as the wheel slowly inched round, carrying them higher and higher. Robert could feel the nausea welling in his stomach, as he closed his eyes.

“Liar,” Joseph smirked, leaning on the bars at the side, as he faced Robert. “You know, I’ve been wondering this for a while now,” he said, eyes glinting, “you act tough, but you’re actually pretty soft inside.”

“What do you mean?” Robert asked, still clinging helplessly to his seat.

“When I kissed you,” Joseph explained, “your heart was beating quite fast, you know,” he huffed out a laugh, “it was adorable.”

Adorable? Him? Pffffft. Robert was a weathered knife dad, and nobody could convince him otherwise. “I was just shocked.” Technically it wasn’t a lie, he had definitely been shocked.

“So, if I did this,” Joseph said, leaning forward to place a hand on Roberts thigh, before sliding it higher, “you wouldn’t feel anything?”

Robert gulped, licking his lips. The silence between them was deafening now, and Robert could hear the sound of blood pumping in his ears. His body was hotter than it had been when they had kissed, Josephs hand dancing dangerously close to Roberts dick.

If Joseph went any further, he didn’t think he’d be able to…

But before he could finish that thought, the carriage jolted to a halt, causing Robert to jump abruptly, and grasp at the glass walls, breathing rapid. Joseph laughed at his reaction, his hand still not having moved from its _position_. “We stopped at the top,” Joseph said, looking out of the window.

“W..hy?” Robert made out, shivering in his seat. They were definitely going to die. Right here, right now. In this stupid carriage, hanging on a stupid wheel, bolted to a stupid pier. _Death was imminent_.

“I don’t know,” Joseph looked to the side in faux contemplation, “maybe it’s broken.”

Robert looked up at this, eyes wide, but Joseph quickly chuckled to relieve the tension. “It stopped because someone’s getting off,” he stated, reassuringly, although honestly, Robert wasn’t feeling very reassured.

“Oh…okay…” Robert mumbled, eyes glued to the floor, where his feet would drop into oblivion, if the carriage decided to fall from its extremely unsafe height of a hundred and thirty feet.

“Maybe we should do something to take your mind off things,” Joseph said, caressing Roberts inner thigh.

Roberts palms sweated as he gripped the seat tighter, heat boiling where Joseph was touching. “ _L_ i _k_ e _w_ h _a_ t?” Robert attempted to sound calm, but his voice came out weak, and uneven.

Josephs fingers glided over to Roberts clothed cock, as Robert let out a panted breath. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears, but this time it wasn’t out of fear – it was something else, something _bad_.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, Joseph released his grip, and pulled back, relaxing into his seat as if nothing had happened. They sat in silence for the rest of the ride.

Robert was definitely a little disappointed as the doors opened, and they both left. But, it was probably for the best, he reminded himself.

They left the pier, and Joseph dropped Robert to his house, which was right across the road from his own. Robert entered his house feeling lonely and dissatisfied, as he plonked down onto the couch. He hadn’t thought about it much, because he hadn’t wanted to mostly, and he was scared of what might come of it.

Was Joseph playing with him?

Robert rolled over on the couch, as Betsy ran over to him, licking his hand as it hung over the edge of the couch. Oh, right. Her pain medication. Robert had almost forgotten.

He jumped off the couch, and stalked over to the kitchen, before opening a fresh can of tuna. Robert crushed one of the pills, and sprinkled it into the tuna, mixing them together, before scooping it into a bowl, and placing it on the floor.

Betsy came running in, sniffing at the air, as her legs skidded across the kitchen floor. It was pretty damn hilarious. She almost smashed face first into the bowl, as she shoved her nose into it, hoovering up the tuna at lighting speed. It was gone as fast as it had been placed, only a sparkling bowl was left.

Wow, that sure was a talent. Robert stuck the bowl in the sink, petting Betsy’s stomach as she rolled around on the tiles, licking her lips. Robert smiled warmly, as she chirped happily on the ground beside him. He was glad she was here to keep him company. At least Betsy wouldn’t play with his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joseph would definitely drive one of those fucking soccer mom cars, and no one can convince me otherwise.


	4. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so damn late guys, I figured out last minute that something did not work within the story, so I had to change some things around last minute. This is the big problem with writing a story as you go and not really planning anything ahead of time - errors seem to occur more often than not. When I write my next fan fiction, I'm definitely going to write it all first, then upload it in chapters each week, definitely a smarter strategy.  
> Well, here you guys go, about time, hope you enjoy it, and hope you aren't too mad at me.

Robert awoke to find Betsy rolling around on the floor beside the couch, knocking various items off the table, as she aimlessly bashed into things. He sat up, grunting as he massaged his forehead, mind straying back to last night – the pier. Joseph had kissed him. On the mouth. In the middle of a crowded pier. In front of Brian.

Robert was fucking screwed. Brian had been given the perfect blackmailing material, and even if he had said before that he would keep quiet, there was no way Robert could trust that. What if he told Mary? He would lose one of the best friends he’d ever had, and that was something he couldn’t stomach.

Wait, where was she anyway? Robert hadn’t seen her in a while, and he was pretty sure Damien hadn’t either. Maybe she had gone on a last-minute trip or something? But it was weird that she wouldn’t have told anyone about it. Would Joseph know?

Robert got up off the couch, ruffling Betsy’s fur slightly, as she continued to roll around on the floor, attempting to chase her tail while lying down. “You’re a cut lil idiot, aren’t ya?” Betsy barked loudly in reply, before accidentally banging her head into the coffee table. Right.

Robert was about to go into the kitchen, to acquire some edible sustenance, and possibly some ‘liquid happiness’, when the doorbell rang. He waltzed over to the door, hoping to see Joseph standing there, but instead when he opened it, he saw Marys quaint form, resting her hand on her hip.

“Mary?” Roberts eyes widened as he saw her, “where the hell have you been?”

Mary looked up at him in disinterest, and he realised how much he had missed her snarky expression, as the corners of her lips turned up briefly. “Can I come in?”

Robert stepped aside, allowing Mary entrance, as she strode in carelessly. He had definitely not expected her to be here, especially since she seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth these past few days.

Mary’s eyes immediately wandered to Betsy, who was still rolling around on the floor, tongue lolling out to the side as she scratched her back on the wood panels. “No way,” she huffed out a laugh, turning back to Robert, “Mr. No Responsibility adopted an actual living animal?” She bent down to stroke Betsy, curling her fur with soft fingers. “Colour me impressed…”

“It was a…” Robert started, scratching the back of his head, “…a last-minute decision.”

Mary stood up again, kicking off her high heels. “Well, I’m glad you picked this one. She’s a sweetheart…” Mary chuckled, staring down at Betsy, as she jumped up and ran straight into the wall. Luckily, she recovered quickly, going back to chasing her tail. She sure was bulletproof. “A dumb sweetheart, but a sweetheart all the same.”

“Hey, she’s not dumb okay? She’s just…” Robert tilted his head to the side, attempting to come up with a legitimate excuse for his dog, to protect her honour. Yes, this is what it had come to. “…absent…minded…” No one made fun of his dog, except him.

Mary thread her fingers through her hair, smirking at Betsy, then at him. “Alright, sailor. Whatever you say.” She plonked down on the couch, resting her feet on the coffee table, as she leant back, making herself at home. “I’m just glad you’ve found something to occupy your time, other than hanging out with Joseph, that is.”

“What do you mean by that?” Robert asked abruptly, stealth and secrecy not really being his strong suit. If she wasn’t already suspicious, she definitely would be now.

“Nothing,” Mary sighed deeply, crossing her legs. “Got any booze?”

Robert said nothing, expecting she already knew the answer to that question, as he walked into the kitchen, grabbing the last bottle of wine from the cupboard. He’d definitely have to get more, especially if Mary was back in the picture. When he re-entered the living room, Mary was over by the stereo, messing around with the dial.

“What are you doing?” Robert asked, setting the bottle down on the table, along with two glasses.

“What does it look like?” Mary replied, as music suddenly blasted through the room, piercing Roberts ears as her cringed, the loud beat vibrating through his entire body.

Mary swiftly turned the dial down to an acceptable volume, and started dancing – or having a seizure – he couldn’t really tell.

Wait…since when did Mary dance? Was this a thing she normally did? Robert raised an eyebrow as she thrashed about wildly, hair covering her face as she swished it back and forth, features covered by a blondish blur. Alright then.

Robert decided after a while of awkward contemplation, that Mary had most definitely gone insane, and he would soon follow, as he joined in. Swaying next to her, moves not even slightly in tune with the beat. It was tragic, and hilarious – a lot like his life. Yeah, that was the perfect description for Robert Small. Tragic, yet hilarious.

Robert went to do a leg kick, and ended up smashing his knee into the couch. “Fuck! My knee!” He yelled, clutching at his now aching appendage, as his face scrunched up in pain. That was going to leave a bruise for sure. He looked up to see Mary laughing at him, but as she did so, her feet slipped on the smooth wood, causing her to bash her hip into the table next to her. Talk about instant karma.

“Motherfucker!” She gritted out, gripping at her hip, and steadying herself, before abruptly turning off the stereo. “Maybe we won’t do that…anymore.”

“Yeah, probably for the best,” Robert relied, stretching out his knee, as it stung painfully. He walked over to the coffee table, pouring them both a glass of wine, before plopping down on the couch lazily, as Mary followed suit.

Mary immediately took a large gulp from her glass, like Robert had expected, and he did the same. They were definitely alike in that they didn’t know when to stop drinking, something he probably shouldn’t take pride in. Although, on the other hand, it was a moderately impressive talent, at parties and such. But that wasn’t an excuse for alcoholism.

“So, enough shit,” Robert stated, slamming his glass down on the table, with a little too much force. “Where the hell have you been?”

Mary glanced at him, before finished off her drink, and placing it onto the table carefully, expression tired. “I didn’t come here to talk about that,” she explained, leaning back again. “I just wanted to have some fun, before…” she sighed, putting her head in her hands. “It’s a long story.”

“You think I’m busy right now?” Robert asked, huffing out a laugh, as he leant back against the couch, eyes fixed on her. He was going to find out what was going on, even if he had to nag her until the end of time.

Mary took a deep breath, pouring herself another glass. “I had…business.”

“Yeah, that’s what you said before you left,” Robert said, closing his eyes, “not very informative.”

“I went on a short…trip, if you could call it that,” Mary explained, sipping from the glass she had just filled to the brim with wine. A little overkill, but Robert could see from her expression that she needed it right now. “I needed a break from all of…this.”

“You can’t just up and leave without telling anyone,” Robert replied, sighing deeply, “trust me, I know – “

“I can go wherever I like,” Mary retorted, eyes narrowing as she stared him down. She seemed different from before, but he couldn’t quite place it. Something was clearly off.

Robert stared back at her, unwavering. “What about the kids?”

“What about them?” Mary’s expression turned livid at this, and her tone deepened, remarkably so. “Why should my life have to revolved around kids that aren’t even – “ She stopped abruptly, silencing herself as she bit into the glass she was holding, not strong enough to crack it, but strong enough to make her wince slightly at the pain.

Robert raised an eyebrow at this, studying her features. “Aren’t even what?”

“Nothing,” Mary stated, taking another long gulp from her glass. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”

Not like he could actually do that, Robert thought, before he took a deep breath. “Mary, you can trust me, no matter what it is…I trust you, and…”

“I said it’s nothing,” Mary retorted abruptly, cutting him off.

Maybe he had pushed her too much. Robert winced slightly at her tone, realising he wasn’t going to get anywhere by asking questions, so instead, he decided to take a different route. “When I was eighteen, I got into a lot of shit. I did drugs, got drunk all the time, skipped school. I was a typical rebellious teenager, at the prime of my life, with no regards for responsibility, or other people,” he explained, as Mary turned to him with a confused expression, a pang of interest in her cold eyes as they focused on him. “And, honestly, that hadn’t changed much over the years. But, I’d gotten better at pretending that everything was alright.”

Robert continued, face solemn. This wasn’t something he wanted to remember. “One day I went to an outdoor rave, at least a hundred people, dancing and getting drunk,” he said, looking to the side. “I didn’t want to go, but my friends ended up convincing me to go with them. So, I did…and then I saw her, dancing on top of a car, dressed in the most outlandish getup I had ever seen. Her eyes found mine almost immediate, like magic, and she held out a hand, inviting me to dance with her.”

Mary’s eyes were completely fixated on him now, clearly intrigued with the story he was telling. “In that moment, next to her on top of that vehicle, as lights flashed around us, and music pounded out into the night…I knew I had met the love of my life.”

Robert took a sip of his drink, not sure if he wanted to continue, words barely making it out of his mouth. “We were happy for a while. But then things started to go downhill…” he explained, “neither of us had any sort of radar for sensibility, and ended up doing extremely stupid things together, and then…she got…pregnant,” Robert said, looking up at the ceiling, as he recalled everything, as clear as day. “Neither of us were ready to look after a child, but in the end, we decided to keep it, and go with whatever happened, like we always did…”

“We were terrible parents, bad at caring for anything other than ourselves, but we wouldn’t admit it, even when it caused us to argue, and fight…we couldn’t admit it…” he said as he closed his eyes, feeling Marys gaze on him, as he continued. “Instead of dealing with our issues…we pretended everything was alright…”

“To this day, I regret my decision. Even on the best days, even when I’m feeling great, and everything seems fine…my mind strays to that moment…and I wish with every inch of my being that I could go back and change it…” Robert sat up then, leaning onto his knees. “But I can’t.”

Mary was silent for a moment, her eyes darting the room, before they met with his. “They’re not mine.”

Robert swallowed dryly, feeling as if he had heard something he shouldn’t have. Then…whose were they? Is what he wanted to ask, but as he stared at Marys stern, yet slack expression, he decided against it. Robert had originally sworn to stay out of whatever… _this_ was, promising himself not to get involved. But, like Mary had said before, it seemed like he already was involved, whether he liked it or not. “It doesn’t matter whose they are. They’re still kids, and they need you.”

“ _Need_ me? They don’t _need_ me,” she replied, huffing out a laugh. “They have you now, after all.”

Roberts brow furrowed, and his blood ran cold. Her face said it all, but he couldn’t stop himself, as he asked, “what do you mean…by that?”

“You _know_ what I mean by that, Robert,” Mary said, a condescending smirk coating her features like fine sugar. “Don’t think I don’t know what you two have been doing behind my back.”

 _Shit_. Had she known the entire time? There was no way, hadn’t she said before that they were in an ‘open relationship’? So, why was this so…uncomfortable. It was a horrifying thought, one that washed over him like ice cold waves, swallowing him with guilt and remorse. “Mary…I’m…I’m sorry,” Robert started, voice cracking slowly as he failed to meet her eyes, “…I shouldn’t have…I – “

“No, you _shouldn’t_ have. But you did,” Mary replied, a worried expression now replacing the previous one. “And now…you can’t leave.”

Can’t leave? What did she mean by that? Just as he was about to ask her, she leaned in, voice barely audible in the solemn silence of the room, as she spoke – far too softly.

“Don’t go back into the woods.”

And then, she left, slamming the door behind her.

Robert sat there, staring lifelessly at the wall, as his mind spun with her words. He attempted to figure out what she had meant by all that, and why she had told him all this now. But, his head was blank, filled only with condescension, and… _Joseph_. His mind wouldn’t stop repeating itself, stuck on some sort of loop, taunting him consistently, for being such a terrible person.

Robert leant back against the couch, self-loathing thick on his bones, dragging him downwards, as he watched Betsy dart around the room. He tried to fall asleep, to silence his less than helpful thoughts. But, they wouldn’t rest, keeping him lucid as he slowly flickered in and out of an uncomfortable sleep – if you could even call it that.

* * *

 

Robert jolted awake as he felt something jump onto his stomach, not even realising he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes to find Betsy, inches away from his face, bright brown eyes staring happily into his own. How could she be so happy all the time? It was pretty unrealistic, if you asked him.

Robert sat up, causing Betsy to jump off abruptly, skidding slightly on the wooden panels, as she started to lick at the coffee table. Maybe he had spilled something there… He glanced at the clock. Shit, it was already six pm? How long had he slept?

Robert grabbed his phone, checking for any messages, or any sign of someone trying to contact him. But as the screen flicked on, he saw nothing – at all. _Huh_. His heart dipped as his finger hovered over Josephs name, before clicking on it, almost unwillingly, as he remembered all the things Mary had said to him.

Was this right? He couldn’t help but doubt himself, as he typed out a short message to Joseph, not feeling like being alone right now. His mind was filled to the brim with things he didn’t want to think about, and he needed some sort of distraction. Or, a particular distraction – one only Joseph could provide.

Robert stared at the screen lifelessly, eyes continuously re-reading his own words, as Mary flicked back into his head. Maybe he should stop here, and delete it…besides, he could always go back later, right?

‘Wanna hang?’

It wasn’t the most well thought out message he had ever come up with, but it would do for now, he guessed. Robert wavered slightly, before finally hitting send. He had always been a bad person…only thinking of himself, why stop now?

He placed his phone on the table, leaning back against the couch. A ding sounded out soon after, and he grabbed his phone expectantly, eyes briefly scanning the text that flicked onto the screen.

‘Come to the north pier.’

Robert frowned as he looked it over a few times. Not very informative, but luckily with a quick google, he could roughly figure out where it was – not far from the cul-de-sac.

Robert left the house, making sure Betsy had an optimum supply of water and food, before heading for the store. He would have to bring some sort of peace offering, of course. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey – the good kind – no, scratch that – the best kind – and made his way to the north pier.

It was eerily quiet when he arrived, not many people walking around the large dock, except for a few fishermen, and some passers-by. The sun had just started to set, sky coated with red and orange hues, melting unevenly through the grey. The place had an overall theme of fish and sea, being a dock and all, it was definitely new to him, although Joseph seemed to have a hard on for this type of thing. Having been born in a more hill-ish area, Robert hadn’t had much of a chance to experience anything this close to open water.

Robert scanned the dock, looking for anyone that happened to look even slightly like Joseph. But, before he could search further, he heard a voice from above him.

‘Nice view, huh?’

Robert looked up to see Joseph leaning over the side of a large, white yacht, staring down at him. His hair was slightly more dishevelled than usual, eyes tired, like he had only just woken up. Well, that was certainly a surprise. He would say he hadn’t expected Joseph to own a yacht of this size, but honestly that would be a lie. This was Joseph, after all.

Robert lifted the whiskey bottle in his hands, so Joseph could see it clearly. “A peace offering.”

Joseph raised an eyebrow at the bottle of strong, amber liquid. “And what type of _peace_ are you offering?”

“The drunk kind,” Robert replied with a smirk, causing Joseph to huff out a laugh, and hold out a hand, helping Robert onto the extremely roomy boat.

The boat in its entirety, was pretty much spotless, just like he had expected from something Joseph owned. Cleanly decorated, with an overall classic _boat_ look, whatever that was supposed to be. He could safely say he had no experience with any type of boat, except for a rubber canoe, once, but he wouldn’t speak any more about _that_.

Robert rested his arms on the side of the yacht, next to where Joseph was, their arms just barely brushing, as he leant over the edge, the light ocean spray flittering across his face.

“Got any cigarettes?” Joseph asked, turning to him.

Roberts eyes widened slightly at this, not taking Joseph as someone who liked to smoke. But, he eventually reached into his pocket, pulling out the smushed packet, before holding a cigarette up to Josephs lips. Joseph closed his mouth around it, as Robert pulled out a lighter, lighting the end ablaze as it flickered lightly.

Joseph let out a deep sigh, exhaling a cloud of smoke, before turning to face Robert again, eyes cold. “Why did you want to meet this late?”

“Am I intruding on something?” Robert asked jokingly, placing the bottle down by his feet.

“It’s not that,” Joseph replied, standing up straight, as a smirk tinted at his lips, “It’s getting chilly, we should go inside.” He took one last drag from the cigarette, before tossing it over the side, into the ocean. Well, at least the fish could get a buzz now.

Robert grabbed the whiskey, and followed Joseph inside the boat, as his eyes widened even further. This was the most epic bachelor pad he had ever seen. A bed, a couch, an on suite – you could pretty much live on this thing if you wanted. “Holy crap…” Robert muttered, eyes wandering the impeccably decorated room.

“I know, I know, it’s pretty messy right now…” Joseph huffed out a laugh, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck.

 _Messy_? This entire place was completely spotless, no matter how you looked at it, it would win like, every competition in cleanliness. Joseph must have weirdly high standards if he thought _this_ was a mess.

Joseph plonked down on the edge of the bed, and Robert followed, liquor bottle firmly in hand as he turned to Joseph, eyes bright. “Shot for shot?” He asked, nonchalantly opening the whiskey. If he was going to get piss drunk, it might as well be on an awesome yacht with the neighbourhood youth pastor.

Joseph paused for a moment, before smirking childishly. “You think you can outdrink me?”

Robert huffed out a laugh, eyes filled with determination, and something else entirely. “Oh, I know I can outdrink you,” he taunted, taking a shot from the bottle, before handing it to Joseph. Joseph did the same, making complete eye contact as he did so.

Tough guy, huh? Well, he’d show this preppy church minister who’s boss. Robert grunted, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do, before tilting his head back, and chugging. Joseph made a sound that could only be distinguished as surprise, as Robert continued to drink from the bottle, the strong liquid burning as it trickled down his throat.

Robert stopped abruptly, handing the bottle to Joseph, as he blinked rapidly, the alcohol going straight to his head. He was about to laugh it off, and tell Joseph not to do the same, but it was already too late. Joseph had lifted the bottle to his lips, and was already attempting to down it, golden drops trickling down his chin, as he struggled to drink.

After a short moment, he put the bottle down on the floor in front of them, coughing and spluttering. He looked utterly hilarious, whiskey dripping off his chin, and onto his bright pink polo shirt. Robert couldn’t help but laugh at his disgruntled, and slightly high expression, glad he hadn’t tried to dissuade him, as Joseph started laughing too. Robert had half expected him to try again, but luckily, for both of them, he didn’t.

“Maybe we’ll…not do that…anymore,” Joseph said slowly, lifting his shirt to wipe at his face, before taking it off completely. He was surprisingly buff, the rough contours of his pale chest glinting in the dim light. It was strangely perfect – inhuman almost.

“You work out?” Robert asked, putting the cap back on the whiskey. He wasn’t one to stop drinking, but that last stunt had really hit him hard, and the smell of it was starting to make him feel nauseous.

Joseph smirked, balling up his shirt, and chucking it to the side. “It’s called having four kids, while also being a youth minister _slash_ counsellor.”

Fair point. They sat in silence for a while, alcohol soaking into their blood, before Joseph spoke up, a slight shiver in his voice. “Do you have a spare jacket, by any chance?”

Seriously? Robert snickered as Joseph rubbed his arms comically, emphasising his point. “You’re telling me you don’t have any spare clothes in your yacht bedroom?”

“Alright, I admit,” Joseph held up his hands, in faux surrender, “I just wanted to try on your jacket.”

Robert licked his dry lips, before shrugging off his leather jacket, and handing it to Joseph. “Here.”

“Wow…I’m honoured. You have bestowed upon me your legendary ‘jacket’,” Joseph said, putting on the jacket as he sighed in contempt, before looking over at Robert. “So, how do I look?”

Extremely fuckable – but he wouldn’t say that out loud. “Extremely fuckable.” _Shit_. How the hell would he recover from this? “ _If_ I had a kink for youth ministers wearing leather jackets without shirts.” _Nailed it_.

Joseph stared at him for a minute, the uncomfortable silence between them sweltering like dust. Crap, he’d probably fucked everything up. Maybe he should laugh and blame it on being shitfaced. Robert was about to make a joke, and clear the air, when Joseph leaned forward, a devilish smirk forming on his lips. Those pink, puffy, kissable lips.

 _Fuck_. Robert licked his own lips, swallowing dryly, the taste of whiskey still strong in his throat. It ached, but all he could see was Josephs face in front of his.

“Why did you kiss me last night?” Robert asked suddenly, as Josephs blue eyes stared into his, expression unchanging as hot air danced across Roberts face.

“Because we’re friends, aren’t we?” Joseph replied, smirking slightly at Roberts confused expression. What? Maybe he really was drunk right now, because that made absolutely no sense.

The breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding came out jagged, as Joseph closed the small gap between them, connecting their lips. Robert could taste the whiskey on his tongue, along with the scent of Josephs aftershave, and a hint of muted vanilla. Robert loved that smell, to the point that his heart ached when he couldn’t smell it, and that, in itself, was a dangerous feeling.

The kiss was short, sweet, and definitely a mistake – but Robert couldn’t help himself as he deepened it, licking Josephs tongue with his own. He tasted bitter, so bitter – this entire thing was fucking _bitter_ , yet he couldn’t stop, he wouldn’t, because it felt so damn right.

“ _M_ m _h_ …f _r_ i _e_ n _d_ s…” Robert mumbled against Josephs lips, as Joseph filled every inch of his mouth, devouring him entirely. He clung tightly to the leather jacket that Joseph was now wearing. Roberts jacket.

‘Friends’? Is that what they were? Or is that what they both told themselves, so that they wouldn’t feel any guilt about whatever… _this_ was. Whatever it was, it was intoxicating, and he couldn’t get enough of it, he doubted he ever would – even when they were both gasping for air, he would still yearn for more.

Robert flinched slightly as Joseph nipped at his bottom lip, fondling him through his shirt. He could feel Josephs fingers, caressing his skin, now heated with contact. It was only when he felt Josephs other hand on his inner thigh, like last night, that Robert pulled back, panting wildly. He had to know what this was.

“What…are we doing?”

“That depends,” Joseph said, lips brushing lightly against Roberts neck, “what do you want us to be doing?”

Robert knew exactly what he wanted to do, or at least he thought he did. But, it wasn’t right…it sure felt right…but, he couldn’t stop thinking about Mary, and what she had told him. Her words rung heavily in his mind, and he was definitely thinking of the pros and cons of the situation, as he moved, ever so slightly, into Josephs touch.

“Tell me what you want,” Joseph demanded, his hand staying painfully still, at the corner of Roberts hip.

Robert paused momentarily, mind ablaze. He knew what he wanted, but saying it aloud was an entirely different matter. The words hung on the edge of his lips, as he opened his mouth, feeling Josephs breath against him, face just inches away.

“I…want you,” Robert said, closing his eyes as he heard himself speak. He sounded like such an idiot, it was almost hilarious – well, it would be, if he wasn’t the one actually involved in the situation.

The corners of Josephs lips turned up slightly, as he continued. “Want me to _what_?” He asked, blue eyes never leaving Roberts, “use your words.”

Dammit. Robert swallowed his pride after a bout of uncomfortable silence, something that seemed to be happening a lot lately. “I want you to fuck me,” he stated, clenching his fists beneath him.

Josephs smirk widened, face painted with an interesting expression, one of complete and utter delight, like he had just found a new toy. It set Roberts blood on fire. “You’re quite obedient, aren’t you?” He asked, although it was more in a rhetorical sense, than an actual question.

Joseph lifted a hand to caress the contours of Roberts jaw, before leaning forward, and kissing him. It was complete, definitive, as Joseph pulled back once again, lips brushing against his. “Take off your clothes.”

Without a second thought, Robert pulled his t-shirt over his head, before tossing it to the ground, cold air hitting his bare chest. He couldn’t meet Josephs eyes, as his unreasonably clammy hands moved to his belt, slowly undoing it. Joseph watched him hungrily, eyes focused on him, and him alone, something that was definitely foreign to him.

Robert slid out of his pants, dropping them in the same pile with his shirt. He felt naked, naturally, because he pretty much was right now, but he didn’t hate this feeling. Joseph hadn’t moved, and Robert wondered briefly is he was going to stay clothed, before he started to undress. First, shrugging off Roberts jacket, which _did_ look great on him, but Robert wasn’t complaining about the lack of clothing now dawning the extremely attractive minister.

Once Joseph had stripped down to his underwear, he captured Roberts lips again. Roberts back hit the bed, dipping into the strangely comfortable mattress – but, Robert couldn’t really think about the comfortability of the mattress, as he felt soft fingers slip under his waist band. Joseph removed his boxers in one swift movement, like some sort of undressing wizard.

Had Joseph trained in the art of undressing people? An important question. Either that, or he’d _been_ around, which was to be expected of someone as good looking and charming as Joseph. The thought made Roberts heart ache slightly, an uncomfortable thrumming replacing the nervous pitter. But, that didn’t last long, as a firm hand gripped his moderately hard cock.

Robert let out a startled gasp, that soon turned into a moan, as Joseph started to move his hand, thumb circling the head of Roberts cock, spreading pre-cum across the tip. After a short moment, the movements ceased, and Robert looked up to see Joseph rifling through a drawer beside the bed, pulling out a hefty bottle of lube. It was only half full, so Robert guessed this wasn’t the first time Joseph had done this with someone.

“Thought we might need this,” Joseph said, huffing out a laugh as he crawled back over to Robert, like this was all natural to him. He leant over Robert, fingers lightly tracing his hole, causing it to twitch involuntarily.

“Uh,” Robert started, bare body shaking with embarrassment, as his eyes wandered the room. “I’ve never…”

Joseph smiled brightly then, leaning down to nuzzle into Roberts neck. “I know,” he whispered, breath tickling, “I’ll be gentle.”

Robert closed his eyes, as Josephs finger prodded at him, warily testing the waters. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?” he asked, in a feeble attempt to redeem his snarky charisma. Although, that never really seemed to work out in his favour.

Joseph leant back then, so his eyes could meet with Roberts. He looked mildly taken aback, but his expression was soon replaced with a devilish smirk, his demeanour changing suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped. “Then I won’t.”

Before Robert could say, or do, anything else, a finger roughly pushed into him, without warning. “A _h_ f _u_ c _k_ ,” His body jolted, as Josephs finger buried itself deep inside him, curling and twisting, as Robert fisted the sheets. The forcefulness of it hurt momentarily, but at the same time, it felt good – so _good_ , like it had quenched a need within him. One he hadn’t realised existed.

Joseph soon added another finger, causing Robert to grunt, as they scissored inside of him, touching every soft, naïve part of him. “Does it feel good?” Joseph whispered next to his hear, before nipping at his earlobe.

“M _m_ h…” Robert gasped, threading his fingers through Josephs fine hair, as Joseph proceeded to kiss a delicate line across his jaw, “y _e_ a _h_.” The embarrassment from before had long gone, replaced with nothing but a heated yearning for more. He wanted Joseph to touch him, to kiss him – to _fuck_ him, to do so many things to him. Robert was undeniably restless, and nothing felt like it was enough, or ever would be enough.

Maybe he was a masochist after all.

Joseph removed his fingers, slowly, and seductively taking off his own pastel boxers. He squeezed a healthy amount of lube onto his palm, and spread it along every inch of his surprisingly thick cock, more than a decent amount. Was there such a thing as too much lube? Whatever, that didn’t matter right now, all that mattered was that Robert wanted Joseph inside of him, _now_.

Joseph smirked, leaning down to plant a kiss at the corner of Roberts lips. “What do you want?” he asked, voice husky, and Robert could feel a light pressure of something hard pressing against him. “Tell me, in full.”

Roberts breath came out jagged, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want you…inside me…” he pulled at Josephs hair, more forceful than he had originally intended, “… _now_.”

Joseph licked his lips at this, pointed teeth peeking out ever so slightly as he did so. “You have no right to demand anything,” he said darkly, fingers gripping roughly at Roberts thigh, leaving indents in his skin, “if you want something, you’re going to have to _beg_ for it.”

Robert did not beg, or at least, he didn’t usually, but his dick tended to make him so things he wouldn’t usually do. His cock ached painfully in the open air, yearning for touch, and Robert forced the words past his lips. “ _P_ l _e_ a _s_ e… _f_ u _c_ k _m_ e…” he grit out, eyebrows knitted together, as he swallowed dryly.

Joseph huffed out a laugh, eyes cold as he spoke lowly. “ _Nice try_ , but I’m not quite feeling it,” he said, face dangerously close to Roberts, but not close enough, “try harder.”

Roberts brow furrowed, and his body shook with anticipation. He was extremely tempted to just grab his own dick, and shamelessly jerk himself off, but, he contained himself. “Please… _Joseph_ , I need you… _inside_ me,” he said, voice cracking with each heated pant, “ _please_ , fuck me…until I can’t even… _walk_.”

Robert gasped as Joseph pressed into him, cock sliding in unbearably slow, stretching him wide as he bit down on his lip, just hard enough to draw blood. Joseph immediately leant down to suck at the blood now forming on his bottom lip, kissing him deeply, as he started to move. Robert jolted, pleasuring soaking into him, as Joseph brushed against something good.

“M _m_ h…found it,” Joseph grit out, pushing Roberts leg back, as he continuously hit that _good_ place with each thrust. Robert moaned into Josephs mouth, the pain of the stretch mingling with unbearable pleasure, as he fought back the urge to bite down.

“ _Shit_ , f _u_ c _k_ ,” Robert gasped, clawing at Josephs toned back, as he was fucked violently into the mattress. It felt so damn good, so _fucking_ good, and he never wanted it to end – _never_.

Joseph pounded into him consistently, hitting hard, and deep, as he sucked at Roberts neck. Robert felt a hand grip his cock tightly, before Joseph asked, “do you love me?”

“N _n_ g – “ Robert flinched, nails digging into Josephs skin, as his head flung back into the pillows. “… _yes_ ,” he breathed out, mouth uncomfortable, and dry.

Joseph gripped Roberts hips tighter, spreading him apart, as he started to roughly jerk him off. “ _Say_ it. _Tell_ me that you love me.”

Robert gasped, biting his bottom lip, harder than before, as waves of hot pleasure washed over him. He could feel himself reaching his peek, but all he could do was hang on, wrapping his legs around Josephs waist, in a feeble attempt to pull him closer. “A _h_ …l _o_ v _e_ y _o_ u…” Robert said, voice weak, and uneven, “… _I_ l _o_ v _e_ y _o_ u.”

“ _Good boy_ ,” Joseph whispered close by, although Robert couldn’t really tell where, his vision edging in and out of blurry consciousness. He could feel the breath caught in his throat, heart hammering wildly in his chest, as his mouth hung open. And then, Joseph dug his thumb into the head of Roberts cock.

“H _a_ h… _a_ h, _ah_ ,” Robert gripped Josephs back tightly, pleasure pushing him over the edge, as his body shook violently with orgasm, cock convulsing as he came over Josephs hand.

Robert panted lightly, head dizzy with afterglow, as he felt something release inside of him. It was hot, and wet, but he couldn’t focus on it – couldn’t focus on anything, as he swallowed, blinking up at the ceiling. He could feel Josephs harsh contours, mingling with his own, as Joseph cuddled closer, nuzzling into Roberts neck.

Roberts mind fizzled with thought and self-deprecation, but it didn’t last long, as the heat of Josephs body, and his own, coaxed him into a weary slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I tagged this as 'Slow Burn' but uh...yeah...things just kind of...happened.  
> Also, it's surprisingly harder to write smut than I had first thought.  
> ALSO, fun drinking game, take a shot every time Robert mentions the word 'good'. He's having a great time, and so will you, when you pass out from extreme alcohol intoxication.  
> Oh yeah, and just a PSA - always use condoms, it's not a good idea to go without, no matter how many fan fictions you have read that are lacking in that area.


	5. Sick Knives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I such a procrastinating piece of sHIT?  
> All will be answered - probably never.

_It was…his house. It looked just the same as when he had bought it – clean cut windows, dishevelled, overgrown lawn, that was…sticky with something…_

_Something red…_

_Huh? Robert leant down, reaching out to touch it, but as he lifted his hand to his face, he saw it was coated with dark, scabbed blood, staining his tanned skin._

_“What the fuck!” Robert jumped back, arms shaking as he attempted to wipe off the blood, scratching it against his jeans. But, it wouldn’t move, clinging to him like wet flour. He swallowed dryly, feeling a strong surge of nausea, as the bile rose in his throat._

_What the hell was going on?_

_And then, he saw – his wife, standing in front of him, on the uneven brick path that lead to the house. Thick, black blood oozed down her face, coating her features with a sickening gunk. She started to speak, but all she could do was choke, a watery cough as bile leaked from her lips._

_No. This wasn’t happening. Robert stepped back, gripping at his hair, and pulling roughly. This was a dream, right? It had to be, right? It wasn’t real – it couldn’t be. There was no need to freak out._

_“Y o u d i d t h i s,” she breathed, voice raspy and out of sync as she spoke._

_No. Don’t. “No…no I didn’t…” Robert murmured, almost unable to make out the words fully, “…I didn’t…”_

_She took a step towards him, and he took one back, not wanting to look at her any longer, his wife, as her entire body oozed with a thick sludge. “Y o u d i d t h i s, y o u d i d t h i s, y o u d i d t h i s,” she screeched, piercing him with her voice._

_Roberts feet wouldn’t move any further, as she closed in on him, coughing black splatters onto him. He raked at his body, attempting to rub it off, but, like the blood on his hands, it wouldn’t move, staining each and every part of him._

_“No!” Robert yelled, hands coming out to push her back, to keep her away from him. But, she was relentless, as the blackness consumed him, suffocating him with a thick, watery grunge. He gasped out, unable to breath as it filled his lungs, coating his insides with tar._

Robert jolted awake to the feeling of a warm body pressed against his, strong arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him in place. The sun had just begun to creep through the clouds, puncturing the grey in small slivers of golden light. It was only bright enough to barely see the room around him, as he blinked repeatedly, surveying the mess in front of him.

There were clothes strewn across the floor, from last night, but other than that, it was surprisingly clean. Robert moved his legs slightly, hips aching as he felt the soft sheets beneath him, warmth devouring his entire body. Joseph must’ve cleaned up while Robert had been asleep, and tucked them both in. That brought a warm smile to his face, as he turned over, eyes finding Josephs sleeping form, inches away from his own.

He looked serene, pale features lying softly against the crisp, white pillows. It was quite a sight, one he couldn’t have predicted he would ever see. Robert took a deep breath, savouring the moment, as he sat up slowly, removing Josephs arm from his waist. He raked his fingers through his extremely tousled hair, as it stuck to his face, entire body covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Robert definitely needed a nice, hot bath right now – but that would mean walking home. Yeah, maybe he should’ve thought this through beforehand. Roberts famous short sightedness strikes again, littering his life with uncertainty. _Gotta love it_.

Robert was about to get out of bed, when two arms wrapped around him, pulling him back down into the covers. He let out a startled grunt, as he felt someone press against his back, a warm heat emanating from the body behind him.

“Mmh…stay…” Joseph mumbled against Roberts neck, hot breath tickling slightly, as he caressed Roberts bare stomach.

So, this is how it felt to be wanted.

Roberts eyelids flickered shut again, as he sank into a peaceful sleep, the warmth of Josephs body soothing him to dream.

When Robert woke again, Joseph was no longer lying next to him. Just a slight indent in the bed, covers slung back messily – proof of a former presence, at least. Proof it hadn’t all been a dream.

Roberts brow furrowed as he rubbed his forehead, stretching momentarily as he threw back the sheets, getting out of bed. He looked down, slightly surprised to see his dick hanging between his legs. _Yes_ , Robert concluded, he was still naked. He grabbed his clothes, swiftly re-dressing, before making his way towards the door. Maybe Joseph would be out here?

But, before he could reach the handle, his mind whirred with an idea. Wait, he was here alone, right now? Robert glanced around briefly, making sure that he was, in fact, alone. Then, his eyes found a closet, to the left of him. _Huh_. There had to be something interesting in there, and it was Roberts duty as a human being to find out what this preppy church minister was hiding.

Robert swaggered over to the closet, hopes high as he opened it, peeking inside. _Hm,_ he sighed, disappointed to see nothing but pastel coloured sweaters, and plain slacks of a similar variety. _Damn_. Robert had hoped to find some weird, bondage suit in here, or a giant dildo at the least, but, it looked like his suspicions were confirmed – Joseph really was perfect.

Just as he was about to close the door, and find wherever the _hell_ Joseph was, he spotted a pair of boots. Not that strange in passing, but the thing that was strange about these particular pair of boots, was the fact that they were coated in a thick layer of mud. In an otherwise spotless closet, filled with spotless clothes, in a spotless room, on a _spotless_ yacht.

Before he could lean in to examine them further, he heard the door open behind him. Robert jumped back, as Joseph walked in, steaming cup in hand. Joseph raised an eyebrow when he saw him next to the cupboard, door wide open.

“What are you looking for?” Joseph asked, seemingly intrigued.

Roberts brow furrowed slightly as he fumbled for an answer to that particular question. “A…sweater,” he said, eyes finding the many sweaters that inhabited the cupboard. That made logical sense, right?

“Are you cold?” Joseph asked, smiling brightly – too much so for this time of the morning.

It was light out, but it was clear that the night had only just surrendered to the day, attempting to hold onto the last slivers of darkness. Joseph walked over to him, handing him the cup of what looked like tea, before planting a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“I thought you’d still be asleep,” he said, blue eyes meeting with Roberts.

Robert took the cup, warmth emanating from it, as he lifted it to his lips, sipping on it. It burnt his tongue slightly, and he probably should’ve waited, but it was too late now – his fate had already been set in stone. Robert cringed briefly, swallowing the hot liquid, as he attempted to look casual.

Joseph huffed out a laugh at his disgruntled expression. “Too hot?”

Busted. “Aha… _yeah_ ,” Robert rubbed the back of his neck, trying to seem unfazed by the incident, a social failure on his behalf. “Probably should’ve uh, checked first.”

“That would have been wise, yes,” Joseph replied, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“So,” Robert started, eyes wandering the room, “what now?”

“Hm,” Joseph stepped closer to Robert, taking his cup from him, before placing it on the bookshelf nearby, “that _depends_.”

Robert raised an eyebrow, eyes glued to Joseph. “On what?”

Joseph placed a subtle hand on his shoulder, as he leant in to kiss at his neck. “On how long it’ll take to find something that suits you.”

Well, _shit_. Joseph went to the closet, pulling out a muted pastel sweater, and holding it up to him, squinting slightly. “Try this on,” Joseph said, handing it to him.

Robert swiftly put on the sweater, savouring the way the soft cotton slid over his skin. It was warm, and smelt strongly of Joseph. “How do I look?” he asked, licking his lips.

Joseph grabbed the bottom of the sweater, pulling him closer, so he could kiss the corner of his lips. “Extremely fuckable,” he smirked, as he kissed him.

Robert ended up walking home an hour later, the cold, stone path back to the cul-de-sac not doing much for his hips. His eyes flicked down to the clearly obviously Josephs pink sweater, and wrinkled jeans. Well, _fuck_. This definitely did not look good for him – walking home at seven in the morning, wearing someone else’s sweater, and looking thoroughly fucked.

Well, this was it. He was officially a home-wrecker – although it was already pretty wrecked to begin with – he’d call it more of a ‘home wreck fix totally bad but good fix wreck’. Yeah, that sounded about right.

Robert sighed deeply. It’s not a walk of shame if you run, Robert concluded, but, he was far too tired to run, so instead, he would just walk slightly faster than he already was. Hopefully he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew.

“Robert! Bro! How’s it goin?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Why did he have to go and jinx himself? This could’ve all been avoided if he had just stayed on the yacht, for like – _ever_. That would’ve been much more palatable than trying to convince someone that knew him that he had just gone to get some milk, and then try to explain why he wasn’t currently holding any milk.

Robert turned to see Craig’s expectant, and far too likeable expression, grimacing slightly. Maybe he wouldn’t notice…

“Didn’t think I’d see you out this early, what ya up to?” Craig asked, innocently scratching the back of his head.

_Don’t say something stupid_. _Don’t say something stupid_. “I was, uh…” Robert started, looking at everything in the near vicinity that wasn’t in any way correlated to the person standing in front of him, “…jogging.” _Fuck_.

“Oh yeah?” Craig asked, suddenly interested in what he had to say. Clearly a bad move on Roberts behalf. “How many miles?”

“Uh…” Robert frowned, swallowing dryly as he attempted to come up with an appropriate mileage status. Maybe he should start by not saying ‘uh’ at the beginning of every sentence like an _idiot_. “Ten.” _Shit_. How far is ten miles again?

“Woah! Dude! That’s amazing!” Craig beamed, seemingly impressed. “You gotta show me your workout routine.”

Abort, abort, abort. “Abort,” Robert mumbled, debating how strange it would seem if he were to just start running in the opposite direction.

“What?” Craig asked, raising an eyebrow.

Right. It probably wasn’t very socially acceptable to mutter ‘ _abort_ ’ when talking to someone. “Uh, nothing, I just…coughed.”

Craig chuckled at this. “Well damn, that’s the weirdest cough I’ve ever heard.” He glanced down at his watch suddenly. “Crap, bro, I gotta get going. Talk later, though? I wanna hear all about that ten-mile run of yours.”

Thank god for watches. Robert nodded meekly as Craig darted off to the right, swiftly removing himself from Roberts sight. Well, that was a _thing_ …that happened.

Robert made his way home, for the second time, hoping that no one else would decide it was a good idea to converse with him at this very moment, and trying his best not to fall over – legs still a little shaky from last night.

Once he had successfully entered his humble abode, without any further conflict, except for that mailman that looked at him funny. Fuck you, Jerry. Robert had slammed the door behind him, and gone straight for the bathroom. The hot water hammered down on him, soothing his aching muscles, as he relaxed into the warmth. It felt so _good_. Not as good as sex, but, it was definitely getting there.

When he had finished, he changed into a pair of clean clothes, staring at the discarded pink sweater. Robert picked it up, bringing it to his nose, before inhaling deeply. It still smelt like him. Wait, was that a weird thing to do? Whatever. He tied it around his neck, feeling pretty satisfied.

Betsy ran up to him, tired eyes beaming, as she scratched at his jeans. There was a large, dog shaped indent in the couch, assumedly where she had been sleeping. Robert crouched down to stroke her head, before heading to the kitchen, to get her a can of tuna. She definitely deserved it, for being such a smart, dumb little ball of fluff.

Betsy finished the bowl of tuna in under three seconds, surely a new world record. Robert dumped the bowl into the sink, and plonked down on the couch. He sat there for a few boring moments, staring at the extremely _borin_ g clock. Was it too late to go back and bang Joseph some more to pass the time?

Robert grabbed his phone, browsing conspiracy theories, before he went back to the search bar. His fingers hovered over the keys, and he ended up accidentally typing ‘mothman x bigfoot fanfiction’ again. _Whoops_. Guess he had no choice other than to read it all.

_“So? Is this it for us?” Bigfoot asked, eyes narrowing as he stared deeply into Mothmans eyes._

_“You tell me…” Mothman said, eyes dewy, as a single tear inched down his cheek, “you’re the one who…who…”_

_“It wasn’t my fault!” Bigfoot retorted, slamming his hands down on the table._

_“Not your fault? Not your fault!?” Mothman yelled, tears now streaming down his face. “You fucked someone else!”_

_“It was an intergalactic alien, how could I not have sex with it when it asked me!?” Bigfoot replied, gesturing wildly with his hands._

_Mothman stood then, “how could you!? After everything we’ve been through!”_

_Bigfoot sighed deeply, going to reach out to him, but Mothman abruptly slapped his hand away. “No! This is it! I’m leaving!”_

_“No…you can’t…” Bigfoot said, eyes welling up, as he watched Mothman walk over to the door._

_Mothman took a deep breath, fingers wrapped around the handle. “This is it, Biggie…this is it. I’m done with this, I’m done with us.”_

_And with that, Mothman left, slamming the door behind him._

_To be continued…_

Robert sat up, tearing slightly as he went to click on the next chapter. But, there wasn’t any. Huh? Robert flicked up to the top, searching for the date it had last been updated. Two years ago?? You’ve got to be kidding!

“Fuck!” Robert chucked his phone onto the couch, raking his hands through his hair.

Well, that was a bust. At least it had killed, _like_ , three hours. Robert picked up his phone again, realising he was extremely hungry, and hadn’t eaten since yesterday. He swiftly ordered two bean burritos, one for now, and one for later. Then, the waiting game.

Robert was definitely not a fan of ‘the waiting game’, seeing as he wasn’t a patient man, and hated waiting – a game of this velocity wasn’t one he favoured. After about fifteen minutes of lying on the couch, and staring lifelessly at the ceiling, the doorbell rang.

Damn, that was fast. Robert hopped to his feet, about to answer the door when he realised he was still wearing Josephs sweater. _Crap_. He untied it from his neck, and chucked it beside the couch, before grabbing his wallet.

“Ten eighty, right?” Robert asked, opening the door, and expecting to see a cute-ish delivery guy, that he could maybe flirt with a little. But, all he saw was Mary.

Wait, _Mary_? What the hell was she doing here?

“And what exactly are you paying me for?” Mary asked, smirking slightly. “If you want sex, you’re gonna have to pull out a couple more bills.”

Robert huffed out a laugh, pocketing the cash. “I was expecting a delivery.”

“A strip-a-gram?” Mary joked, pushing past him, and walking inside.

Robert closed the door, taking a deep breath. He really was hungry – although, more like hungrad – hungry and sad. Robert turned around to find Mary staring at the ground, a solemn expression on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Robert asked, following her line of sight to a…pink sweater. _Uh oh_.

Mary closed her eyes, eyebrows knitted together tightly. “…please tell me you didn’t.”

Shit, fuck, shit, fuck, shit – _fuck_. A lie was definitely the better plan at this time, but, he doubted he could successfully pull the wool over Mary’s eyes. She would probably catch him out on the first syllable. “I can’t…” Robert started, realising this was going to be infinitely harder than he had first thought – which wasn’t soft to begin with. “…I-I’m…I can’t…uh…”

Well, no doubt Mary would get somewhere with that.

Mary stared at him for a long while, the uncomfortable silence sweltering between them, as Roberts eyes found the floor. _Shit_. Why hadn’t he thought about this beforehand? Oh, wait, he _had_ , he’d just decided that sleeping with Joseph was more important than his friendship. Right.

“Well,” Mary said, crossing her arms, expression unreadable, “was it worth it?”

Yes – _no_ , he meant no. It wasn’t worth it, even though it totally was – but…it wasn’t. “I don’t know,” Robert stated, unable to meet Mary’s eyes.

Mary huffed out a laugh then. “Of course you know, idiot. You were the one getting fucked, right?” She retorted, before smiling darkly. “Or were you watching him fuck someone else?”

Robert frowned, not really sure how to answer that. “Voyeurism aside, that is not a question I am authorized to answer.”

“You in fucking court now?” Mary asked, chuckling lightly, a slight humour back in her voice.

“If I was, you think I’d be wearing this shit?” Robert laughed with her, looking down at his usual choice of clothing. Not something he would wear if he was trying to prove he _wasn’t_ a drug dealer.

“Yeah,” Mary said, raising an eyebrow, “so, what did you actually order? There won’t be a naked man turning up at your door anytime soon, right?”

Robert smirked. “Not right now, but if you stay for a little while, you might see a cute guy holding burritos.”

“Well damn, I’m sold,” Mary stated, plopping herself down on the couch.

That had gone…strangely well. Robert wanted to ask her if she was really alright, but he didn’t want to bring it up any more. It was probably better to let it go – if that was what she wanted.

The burritos arrived a few minutes later, and they both ate in moderately awkward silence, too busy eating to say a word. Once they had finished, Robert turned on the TV, and they both snuggled in to watch ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’.

“You look like shit, Makayla! Get a better hair do!” Mary yelled from the couch, gripping her knees tightly, as she leant forward.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “She’s six.”

“Doesn’t mean she can’t figure out what an actual beehive looks like,” Mary mumbled, sitting back in her seat.

A few more insults, and hours later, Robert decided it would be best to turn it off, for his own safety, and sanity. He wasn’t sure how long it would take before Mary started flipping tables.

Mary’s phone buzzed shortly after, and she glanced at it, frowning slightly, before pocketing it again. “Hey, _Robert_ …”

“Yeah?” Robert turned to face her, expecting more outfit advice, and parenting criticisms.

“Wanna do something fun?” She asked, a subtle smirk taunting at her lips.

Robert raised an eyebrow. “Fun? What kind of fun?”

* * *

 

They ended up in a parking lot of a place called ‘Cutlery Cabin’, according to the giant letters on the front of the building. Not much to look at, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t intrigued at what secrets it held.

“Where the hell are we?” Robert asked, staring up at the surprisingly large, shack like building.

Mary smirked, her renown ‘I know something you don’t’ smirk. “You’ll see.”

When they walked through the doors, Robert wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at, until he strode closer, eyes finding the various tables that held knives of all sorts, laying comfortably on coloured cloths.

“Oh. My. God.” Robert made out, as he stood beside one of the tables, motionless as the feelings set in. You know, feelings, those things that happened sometimes. He leant in to get a better look, pinching himself – just to make sure this was really happening. He was acting like a kid in a candy store, as he picked up each and every knife, bringing them to the light so he could marvel in their beauty.

Mary walked over to him, lightly patting him on the back. “I figured you’d be pleased.”

“Pleased?” Robert stated, turning to face her, knife in each hand. “These are vintage 18th century Wharncliffe flick knives.”

Mary took one from him, observing it, eyebrow raised. “It just looks like a regular flip knife to me.”

Robert snatched it back from her, visibly offended by her lack of knife knowledge. “This is no regular, run of the mill, flip knife. Pilgrims actually used these to fend off soldiers in the late 1800’s, and because they had limited resources, they had to forge them from iron horse shoes, and melt them over the family stove.”

“Whatever you say, sailor,” Mary replied, crossing her arms.

Robert then gasped, as his eyes were graced with the most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed in his entire life. A red and black flip knife, with a dragon carved into the handle. “Oh my god!” Robert yelled, running over to it, and grabbing it from the table. “I’m buying this.”

“How about I treat you to it?” Mary asked, meeting his far too excited expression.

Robert stood still, completely still in the terrible lighting of the small room. “You…you would? For me?”

Mary huffed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, just give it to me.”

Mary had then purchased the knife for Robert, telling the sketchy looking person at the desk to ‘gift wrap it’, to which he replied, ‘this is a knife shop, not barns and nobles’. Mary then proceeded to curse him out, resulting in the man wrapping the knife in an empty, grease stained burrito bag.

They then left the store, thoroughly satisfied. Wait, was Mary officially his sugar mommy? He’d bet she’d enjoy that title.

“You are officially my new favourite person,” Robert chided, happily holding the knife he had been bought, wrapped in a burrito bag.

Mary folded her arms, clearly enjoying his overzealous expression. “Not Joseph?”

Robert paused then, holding the bag tightly to his chest, as if she was going to revoke her gift and snatch it away from him.

“It’s alright, I get it,” Mary said, patting him on the shoulder, “I should probably get going.”

“Got something to do?” Robert asked, cradling his knife like it was a new born child.

Mary said nothing then, tightening the grip on her bag. It looked as if she wanted to say something, but her eyes flicked to him suddenly, as she spoke. “I just…need to get some things done, you know, the usual.”

Robert couldn’t say he understood her situation, but, he wasn’t one to push. “Alright…see you around, I guess,” he said, turning to walk away, as Mary muttered something from behind him.

“Be careful.”

Robert walked across the parking lot, not quite sure what to think. She probably thought he didn’t hear her, but as always, his ears were unmistakably good at picking things up. Especially things he would be better off not hearing. Suspicion was definitely the first thing to come to Roberts mind, and asking questions was a second, but he knew better than to stick his nose into someone else’s business. Although, he didn’t seem to be doing a good job of that so far.

Robert arrived home shortly after, taking his knife out of the burrito bag, and placing it neatly on his shelf. The rest of his living room, however, was a complete mess, un-matching to the shelf that held all his valuables. Supernatural occurrence books, and news articles about the possibility of extra-terrestrials, and now, a pretty sick knife, thanks to Mary

He should probably repay the favour, and get her something neat, something she’d really like. But, what _would_ she even like? Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know much about her, other than the fact that she was an extreme alcoholic, much like himself – and she was apparently married to Joseph, who’s kids, he had recently found out, were not hers. That was still a strange topic for him. Mary clearly was not fond of Joseph, so why would she stay, if the kids weren’t in any way related to her?

Robert concluded that things were not as simple as he had first thought, even though that first thought wasn’t actually that simple, but now, they seemed even less such. He plonked down on the couch, huffing out a sigh, as Betsy scampered over to him, nuzzling at his feet. Robert leant down to pet her, before grabbing the remote, ready to settle in for another ‘Ancient Aliens’ binge-watching session.

His phone buzzed then, distracting him from his previous endeavours, as he glanced at the now illuminated screen. A message from Joseph – speak of the devil.

‘Bonfire party at the beach, meet me there in an hour.”

And Joseph, of course, just assumed he was free of plans. Which he was, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t insulting for people to assume so. Robert had a life, if you could call doing body shots off random drunk people at various bars, and falling asleep on a pineapple pizza a ‘life’. But, of course, he would be there, because he had absolutely nothing else planned, and Joseph hadn’t even needed to bribe him with booze this time. Although, hopefully there would be some, to curb his anxieties. It was a party after all.

Robert got dressed in his best pair of clothes, and by ‘best’, he meant with less holes, and in duller colours. For some reason, things looked more expensive when they were in neutral tones, and he had definitely been watching too much Project Runway.

There was only one beach even slightly in range of the cul-de-sac, so it didn’t take him long to find it. People had gathered towards the middle of the beach, and had begun setting up the fire pit, large chunks of wood piles against each other, creating a roundabout-like structure.

Robert wondered briefly if this was a fire hazard, when a large hand patted him on the shoulder. He jolted, forcing back an unhealthy amount of curse words, as he turned to face the attacker, who happened to be blonde, and great in bed. Joseph seemed to have a habit of sneaking up on him, maybe he had been a ninja in another life.

“Did I scare you?” Joseph asked with a tentative smirk.

How could Robert possibly stay mad at that? That sexy, beautiful, light emanating – He cut off his unhelpful thoughts, realising he had taken far too long to reply, and now it would look like he had been, in fact, afraid. Which wasn’t far from the truth, he had almost jumped a mile. “No,” he lied, attempting to seem natural in a beach environment.

“Then why do you have that kind of expression?” Joseph continued, huffing out a laugh. Damn, he had been caught, better fess up now and save himself from any further embarrassment.

Robert frowned slightly, a lie coming naturally to him. It was his only defence mechanism, other than alcohol, and witty sarcasm. “My lips are just…chapped,” he said, awkwardly scratching at the back of his head. Nailed it. Nobody would suspect a thing.

“Really now?” Joseph said, eyebrow raised as a smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. “Well, I guess I’ll have to do something about that, won’t I.” He leant forward then, kissing at Roberts bottom lip, slowly making his way to the top.

Robert was glad he had chosen the path most travelled, and decided to protect his fragile ego, instead of admitting he was actually a scaredy cat. Even though he was sure Joseph could tell he was a filthy liar, Robert would prefer to live in denial, and simply pretend his status of badass knife dad would forever stay intact.

When Joseph pulled back, Robert moved with him, hoping for more, but Joseph chuckled in response. “We’d better get moving, they’ll be lighting the fire soon,” he said, turning to walk towards the main gathering of people, as Robert feebly tried to keep up.

Christie and Christian had sat by the large rocks to the side of the bonfire, digging holes in the sand – probably trying to dig another portal to hell, you know, the usual. Chris was down by the rock pools, attempting to murder innocent sea creatures, and failing miserably. Joseph spotted him, and raked a hand through his hair, tousled in the sea breeze.

“I should, uh…yeah…” he muttered, before sauntering off in Chris’ direction.

Well, that had lasted longer than expected. Quality time with Joseph was far and few between. Left to his own devices, Robert began searching for a source of sustenance, anything that looked even slightly like an alcoholic beverage. But, unfortunately, he found nothing, except for a giant bag of marshmallows, and some other snacks. Eh, could be worse.

Robert reached for the bag, but his hand was immediately slapped away. “Marshmallows are for roasting only,” a man that looked exceptionally like Craig said, hugging the bag tightly to his chest. Oh, wait, it actually was Craig.

Robert rubbed the back of his hand, visibly offended by the marshmallow denial. “My bad…” he replied, licking his lips, before asking. “Do you know where the booze is, by any chance?”

Craig raised an eyebrow. “You mean like, alcohol and stuff?” he asked, looking to the side in disappointment. “I would’ve brought some, but Joseph told me it wasn’t a good idea to have flammable substances near an open flame…”

It was a logical conclusion, of course, but – fuck. What now? “Alright, thanks anyway,” Robert said grimly, going to walk in the opposite direction, in search of less people, and hopefully come across Joseph in doing so.

“Hey, wait,” Craig called out, stopping him in his tracks. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Do you like shots?”

“Are you kidding?” Robert retorted, grinning widely. “I love them.”

“Great!” Craig smirked, loosening his hold on the bag slightly. “We should go out for drinks some time, it’ll be fun.”

“Uh, sure yeah,” Robert said, feet begging for movement. Once he had concluded the conversation was over, and there were no more ‘small talk’ quips from the other party, he left the scene of the crime. The marshmallow crime.

He soon found Joseph, lecturing Chris on the morality of killing poor, defenceless crabs – unless you’re going to put them to good use, and eat them afterwards. To which Chris replied, ‘crab tastes bad’, suggesting he had already done so. It was quite the conversation to witness.

When Joseph noticed him, he sighed loudly. “Sorry about that, I should probably take him to therapy…” he said, motioning for Chris to go and play with his siblings. Chris obliged after a long, angry, drawn out bout of silence.

A man had approached the bundle of oversized sticks, a man Robert had the unfortunate pleasure of recognising. Brian – who seemingly followed him everywhere he went. Or, maybe he was the one following Brian? Conspiracy theory.

Brian lit the wool in the middle of the pit, and stood back, as the flames swiftly enveloped the wood. The people gathering around cheered loudly, before making their way over to the small snack table. It seemed as if the party was now in full affect, and Robert could relax slightly.

“I’ll get us some,” Joseph said, manoeuvring over to where the snacks were located, before returning with two marshmallows on two sticks, handing one to Robert.

They settled near the fire pit, and Robert put his stick in the fire, a little too forcefully, causing his marshmallow to melt and immediately fall off the stick, and into the middle of the fire. Well, that happened.

Joseph laughed at his pained expression, toasting his slightly. “Here,” he said, blowing on it, before biting the marshmallow off the end, and pulling Robert in for a kiss. It was hot, and sweet, charred sugar caressing his tongue. Joseph sure knew how to toast marshmallows, the right way.

Unfortunately, after a few more marshmallows, Christie and Chris had decided to bury Christian in the sand, leaving only his head sticking out. So, Robert and Joseph had the job of digging him out of the sand tomb the other kids had made for him.

After that, they had walked back home, enjoying the ocean breeze. Once they had arrived at Josephs, Robert was about to turn and walk towards his own domicile, when Joseph stopped him.

“You want to stay over?” He asked, holding the door open.

Stay over? Everyone and their mother knew what that meant, and Robert was definitely someone’s mother. Wouldn’t Mary be here? Robert lingered awkwardly for a little too long, before his feet pulled him towards the doorway. Well, it couldn’t hurt, right?

They went inside, and after tucking the kids into bed, Robert decided he would be a gentleman. “I’ll take the couch,” he offered, unmoving as Joseph raised an eyebrow.

“Usually you’d say that before you’ve had sex with the person who’s house you’re currently staying in,” Joseph replied, hands drifting to Robert shirt.

“Isn’t Mary here?” Robert asked, scanning the room. She already had an idea of what was going on, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t be cautious.

Joseph huffed out a laugh at this. “No, she’s…busy,” he explained, tugging at Robert shirt slightly, as he lead Robert upstairs.

Joseph swiftly got dressed in his bedclothes, and Robert, having not prepared, just took off his jeans and jacket. They both got into bed, and Joseph made no move to do anything other than sleep. No sex then, huh? That was an interesting development, and Robert couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed as he rolled onto his side, soon giving in to the silent temptations of sleep.

* * *

 

When Robert awoke, it was still dark – room barely visible, yet he could still tell there was someone beside him, subtle breaths penetrating the night silence. He got out of bed, bladder aching as he made his way to the bathroom. The door opened with an uncomfortably loud creak, and he swiftly relieved himself, forgetting to flush like he did on a regular basis.

_Shik_.

Roberts eyes flicked to the side, scanning his surroundings. What the hell was that? He listened expectantly, waiting for something else, but when nothing came, he pegged it down to his own imagination. He washed his hands in the sink, before drying them thoroughly.

_Shik_.

The hell? Did the Christiansen’s have a pet he didn’t know about? One that liked to make…strange scratching noises…

Robert exited the bathroom, glancing around him as he went to walk back to the bedroom, to the promise of comfort.

_Shik_.

Alright. He definitely heard that. Robert swallowed dryly, staring at the dark staircase, as his eyes slowly became accustomed to the dark. Don’t do it Robert, he reprimanded himself. Just go back to bed, investigating strange noises in the middle of the night never ended well for anyone.

But, curiosity as fate would have it, was not his friend, and tended to make him do stupid things. So, with a deep breath, he crept down the stairs to the living room. It was probably nothing, just a branch scratching against a window, or a racoon caught in a drawer or something.

The stairs creaked just like the bathroom door had, causing Robert to wish wood wasn’t so damn squeaky, and hard to commit stealth activity. He followed the scratching noise to a door under the stairs, swallowing dryly as he stood in silence, grating at his ears. Talk about horror movies…

Robert, against his best interest, reached out a hand, fingers wrapping around the doorknob, twisting sharply. But, the handle wouldn’t go far, door clearly locked from the outside. Well damn, that was a short-lived investigation, albeit, for the best.

The sound of subtle stirring from upstairs jolted him into action, and he swiftly made his way back to the bedroom, attempting to make as little noise as possible, as he slipped into bed.

Joseph was still lying peacefully, thankfully not having been woken by his midnight adventure, chest rising and falling with slow breaths. Sleep came for Robert in bouts of restlessness, nerves eating away at him, his own heartbeat loud in his chest, thrumming in time with the ticking of the clock on the wall. This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joseph likes to share - with his mouth.   
> Sharing is caring after all.


	6. A Melancholy Acceptance of Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue chapter. Turns out depression isn't great for keeping a schedule.

Morning light streamed through the balcony windows as Robert blinked awake, sitting up slowly. He glanced at the space next to him, expecting to see Joseph, but only a subtle indent lay in the mattress – covers strewn back messily.

Movement and clatter sounded from downstairs, accompanied by the sweet smell of breakfast foods, causing Robert to swiftly hop out of bed, ignoring the sleepiness in his step. He wandered down the cold wooden stairs, eyes flicking briefly to the door there.

It had been eerie last night, and even though the noise was no more, he couldn’t quite shake the thought from his head. The thought that there was something behind it – more than just a branch on a window.

Robert walked into the kitchen, where Joseph was frying a batch of bacon on the stove, something he never thought he’d have the pleasure of waking up to. Joseph turned when he finally noticed Robert standing beside him, a smile quirking at his lips.

He always looked cheerful, even in the early morning, and Robert had a strange _need_ to see him lose control. Even when Joseph had been mad, he’d kept a calm composure, feigning ignorance to the dwellings of his own mind. What expression would he make?

“Morning,” Joseph said, eyes focused on the pan in hand.

Roberts mouth watered as he watched the food, sizzling with flavour on the stove. “Morning.”

“Would you mind waking up the kids?” Joseph asked, “tell them breakfasts almost ready.”

Was this the so called ‘domestic bliss’ everyone talked about?

Robert nodded, and not seeing any immediate reason to deny, made his way up the stairs. Again. The twin’s bedroom was on the left of the bathroom, if he wasn’t mistaken. He opened the door, and just as he had suspected, they were both still fast asleep in their adjacent beds.

It’s not like he could blame them. He hadn’t slept much last night either.

Robert cleared his throat awkwardly as he leant in the doorway. What was he even supposed to do? Bang pots and pans until they woke up? “Uh…breakfasts ready…” Robert said, voice a little louder than a whisper. For some reason, he felt the need to be quiet, even though he was supposed to wake them up.

They didn’t even flinch at his lacklustre attempt. Damn. Guess he’d have to try a little harder. Robert took a deep breath, readying himself fully for what was to follow. “Breakfast!” He yelled, cringing at the loudness of his own voice. Too hard.

The kids jolted awake abruptly, eyes opening like bullets. Christian sat up in bed, scowling as he blinked rapidly, and Christie did the same. His work here was very clearly done, a commendable effort if he said so himself. Now, onto the next room.

Robert had no idea where Chris’ bedroom was, but he assumed it was the only one he hadn’t been in yet. The door on the far right, away from the rest of the doors.

Just as he was about to open that particular door, and wake another unsuspecting family member, the door swung open, almost hitting Robert in the face. Chris stood in the doorway, having probably heard the loud screech of ‘breakfast’ from the other room. He looked fairly angry at this, but simply sighed, pushing past Robert in one swift gesture.

One may call his tactics ‘ _inhumane_ ’, but yelling seemed to be pretty effective, killing two birds with one stone and all that. Maybe he should rethink the whole ‘pots and pans’ idea.

Robert went back downstairs, where Joseph was now plating the food. When he saw Robert, he looked up and smiled. “I’m surprised you didn’t wake the whole neighbourhood,” Joseph chuckled as he began to lay the table.

They ate in mildly awkward silence, Tv droning on in the background accompanied by the subtle clinking of cutlery. Then the twins started a kick war under the table, before promptly being banished from the table. Chris, however, ate his food quickly so he could plonk down on the couch and watch the Tv comfortably.

Once they had all finished, Joseph cleared away the table, and begun to wash dishes in the kitchen. Robert stood to help when he felt the familiar pang in his stomach, and realised he was due a toilet break. He walked past the kitchen, about to head upstairs when his eyes flicked to the door.

The one under the stairs.

Branches be damned, if there was a portal to hell through there, Robert _needed_ to know. It was his duty as an online certified ghost hunter, and he would not shame his fellow ghost hunters by passing an opportunity like this.

Robert glanced behind him, making sure there were no witnesses, before he slowly wrapped his fingers around the handle of the door. It turned smoothly in his hand, no longer stunted by the lock. Robert took a deep, shaken breath as he pulled the door towards him, licking his lips in anticipation.

The black sliver between became visible as he pulled closer, mind whirring with all the things he might find behind it. A portal to hell, an underground drug den – mothman himself. Or, maybe, nothing at all. Did he really want to ruin the intrigue by finding out?

Yes. The answer would always be _yes_. But, before he could make a final decision, the door was roughly slammed shut from behind. Robert jolted at this, turning swiftly to find Joseph, right in front of him. Never had he been so afraid to see that beautiful face, having almost given him an early demise just now.

His intrigue was safe – for now.

“Looking for something?” Joseph asked, face neutral, like he hadn’t just backhanded a door full force.

Robert swallowed dryly, mind whirring with convenient lies. “Uh…the bathroom.” Rats.

“You know where the bathroom is, Robert,” Joseph said, slowly leaning closer, breath hot against Roberts neck. “If you get too curious, I’ll have to punish you.”

Then, as if a pin had dropped, Joseph pulled back like nothing had happened, placing a chaste kiss at the corner of Roberts lips, before retreating into the living room.

Well, fuck. Either Joseph had simply taken the opportunity given to entice him, or he was just trying to distract him with promises of ‘punishment’. The encounter had only furthered his suspicion, and unfortunate arousal.

Robert got dressed, and left Josephs house, seeing no reason to stay longer than intended. It might also have something to do with a mild sense of intimidation he had been left with, but, it’s not like he would admit that.

It was far too early…and cold. The night had not been merciful, and his head ached feverishly as he walked towards the house opposite – his own house. He couldn’t wait to take a nice _hot_ bath, and attempt to forget the goings on of his strangely domestic love life with the neighbourhood pastor.

He could probably put that on his resume, if he ever got fired from his current job.

“You’re up early again,” an exuberant voice said from behind.

 _Shit_. Robert knew exactly who that was, and honestly, he wished he didn’t. At least if it was a surprise, he wouldn’t have the urge to just run and not look back. Only one person was this excited about mornings other than Joseph, and his name rhymed with…damn, Robert couldn’t think of anything that rhymed with Craig.

Robert turned to him, mouth contorting into what he assumed was a smile. “Hey, yeah, I… _yeah_ ,” he muttered, already failing at this whole ‘social interaction’ thing. Hopefully he could move the conversation along faster by lying. Yeah, he was good at that. _Lying_.

“I’m not one to pry, but,” Craig started, looking to the side awkwardly, “didn’t I just see you leaving Josephs house?”

First of all, that entire sentence was a contradiction. Second of all, how the hell was he supposed to get out of this? There was no way to make this look like it wasn’t what it was, because it _was_ , and it was _obvious_.

“I babysit…sometimes,” he said, keeping his face neutral – as neutral as it could be at eight in the morning.

“Right,” Craig chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, “… _right_.”

Well, this was extremely uncomfortable, and Robert couldn’t wait to be anywhere but here. But, before he could leave, Craig spoke. Again. Speaking of speaking he should really _stop_ speaking.

“Hey, uh,” Craig said, “do you wanna come workout? Since you’re already up, and you seem pretty into exercise, I thought I’d ask, yano? It’s good to have someone watching you’re back, bro.”

Robert hated exercise, but unfortunately his convenient lies had caught up with him, and it was time to pay the price. He plastered a grin on his face, and begrudgingly nodded, setting his fate in stone. Maybe God would take pity on him and smite him where he stood, effectively saving him from the situation he had thwart upon himself.

But, God wasn’t very sympathetic, apparently, and he was still breathing a few seconds later. Tragic. “Yeah, sure…why not,” Robert murmured, watching as Craig’s expression turned from bashfully awkward, to charismatically expectant.

‘Why not’? Robert could think of many reasons as to _why not_ , but he could say none of them. See no evil, speak no evil – exercise. That’s how the saying goes, right?

“Great!” Craig beamed, smirking widely, “do you wanna go change, or?”

Jeans weren’t the best for exercise, although, not like he could speak from experience, all he owned were jeans. “No, I, uh…” Robert scratched the back of his head, attempting to think up a better answer than ‘ _I only own jeans_ ’.

Craig huffed out a laugh, as if he had already caught on to the ominous drift that Robert was undoubtedly emanating. “No worries, bro, I’m pretty sure I have spares in my locker,” he said, smiling brightly.

Wow, Craig knew him so well. Maybe they were destined to be bros after all, or maybe he’s just psychic – or really good at reading facial expressions. Robert, naturally, hoped it was the former.

He followed Craig to a public gym nearby, one Craig had clearly been to. A lot. Robert could tell by the way he personally greeted every person in there. It must be nice to know this many people, although, just thinking about keeping track of all the names gave him a headache.

Yeah, he definitely preferred to keep a low profile. And by ‘low’ he meant people knew him but steered clear because of his drinking habits and overall ‘serial arsonist’ vibe.

The locker room was empty apart from a few lingering people, packing things into lockers, and messing around on their phones. The usual rabble you would expect to find in a gym locker room.

Craig opened a surprisingly roomy locker to the left of the showers, and pulled out a pair of quarter length nylon leggings, accompanied by a moderately revealing tank top.

Robert couldn’t help but ask himself, ‘ _was he actually going to wear this?_ ’, and, as Craig handed him the clothes with a childishly hopeful smirk, the answer was an immediate, and persistent, ‘ _yes_ ’.

Agreeing to the terms of weirdly slutty workout clothes? Easy. Actually putting them on? Well, that was another matter entirely. He had been tempted to change in the toilet cubicles, but, in an attempt to save face, he decided to stick it out. Craig was already in workout attire, and Robert was pretty sure he never took that shit off.

Robert slipped out of his jeans first, feeling Craig’s gaze as he slid them over his tanned legs. Craig said nothing, simply watched, face unusually vacant. It probably meant nothing to Craig, but Robert was a special kind of self-conscious, and his mind usually decided to overanalyse. So, with a brief intake of breath, he focused on a man sitting to the right of him, who was incessantly swiping ‘right’ on his phone.

But, that distraction didn’t last long, as he shrugged off his leather jacket, and pulled his shirt off over his head. The cold air from the vents danced icily across his back, causing him to shiver, and swiftly re-dress into the clothes Craig had given him. Yeah, he’d be terrible at strip-teasing.

Robert took a deep breath, still chilly in the less than warm clothing, but, it was better than being half-naked in front of someone who exercised for a living. Narcissism and self-loathing aside, Robert decided to look up finally, only to see Craig smirking in his general direction. He could be looking at anyone, right?

“Suits you,” he said, eyes practically shining in the bright light of the changing room, “you should dress like this more often.”

Was that a compliment? Or a subtle dig at how bad his fashion sense was, which, wasn’t wrong. Robert didn’t linger on it too long though, as Craig started to walk towards the main workout room – or whatever it was called. He could barely keep up with Craig’s pace, as he strode slightly behind, legs like un-watered hydrangeas beneath him.

Power walking was not one of Roberts specialties.

The room was packed with bulky looking men, most of them around the same age as Craig, apart from a few youngsters lifting weights bigger than their heads in front of full length mirrors. All of which Craig greeted individually. Man, that was a lot of people.

Craig then went to the weight rack, immediately picking up one of the heaviest weights. Right, yeah. Of course he would do that. Meanwhile, Robert started at the bottom, arm strength not at all what it used to be, this was more than he could handle.

Craig tutted at him as he reached for a weight, walking to stand beside him. “Don’t be so hard on yourself dude,” Craig chided, picking up a dumbbell from the middle of the rack, “aim for that stars, and all that.”

Robert would definitely be _seeing_ stars after this workout session.

Craig handed him with weight, and Robert had to fight every muscle in his body not to drop this thing onto his feet. A trip to emergency services was not something he wanted right now, or really, ever. His arms strained under the weight as he attempted to keep the dumbbell above knee level, unable to hold it any higher.

“It’s all about your position, look,” Craig said, moving to stand behind Robert in the full-length mirror, “I’ll help.” Toned hands slid down the back of Roberts thighs, pushing them apart so that he stood in a squat position. Slender fingers brushed against a sensitive spot on Roberts thigh, causing him to shiver involuntarily.

Craig noticed this however, and pulled back. “Uh, sorry, I…didn’t mean to,” he started, lined eyebrows visibly knitting together. He looked mildly concerned, and Robert couldn’t help but dig himself deeper into this dangerous hole.

“No, it’s alright, it’s…helping, I think,” Robert swiftly added, bartering to lift the dumbbell higher, relaxing as he saw the rush of relief on Craig’s face.

Craig nodded and leant forward again, coming to rest flush against Roberts back. Maybe he should’ve said no to this whole ‘exercise’ thing after all – when did exercise ever do him any favours?

Robert could feel Craig’s subtle heartbeat against him, slower than his own, yet strangely in sync. The short, hot release of air on the back of Roberts neck like fire, as Craig’s hands traced the back of his arms, reaching his elbows.

The weight definitely felt more lift-able, and less like he was attempting to pull dried cement from a hole in the ground. Robert was a little disappointed when Craig pulled back after a short moment, cold breeze returning as the warmth from another human slowly drifted further away from him, dissipating between them.

Craig stood next to him, picking up the weight he had originally intended to lift, and in one impressive swoop, lifted it above his head. It looked like it had strained him, muscles clenching with the weight, but, he pulled it off so well, you’d think it was made of foam.

Craig then dropped the weight to the floor, rubbing his hands together, as the dumbbell bounced against the springy, rubber carpeting. Robert couldn’t help but notice how great Craig’s ass looked in those workout leggings, each and every contour visible in the tight fabric, almost _magically_ so.

Craig was looking pretty – _No_ , don’t say it – don’t do this to yourself. Actions have consequences. _Think_ of the consequences.

 _Thick_.

Fuck, Robert, now you’ve done it. No one can redeem you, you’ve gone too far – committed the ultimate sin. Robert smirked to himself, staring a little too long at Craig’s toned ass, like the sinner he was. He only looked away when he heard a loud clatter from behind, and turned in search of the source.

Someone had dropped their dumbbell, just barely missing their socked foot. Damn, that was a close one. Robert wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with the knowledge that a large metal object came that close to his favourite walking utensil – the paranoia alone would eat him from the _inside_.

After that narrow dance with death, Robert had used almost all of the various machines in the gym, treating them more like singular novelty rides than legitimate exercise equipment. He had also gained a few well-placed tips from Craig on ‘how not to pull a muscle when dead lifting’ and ‘how much hot yoga is too much’.

Robert then had a strange desire to see Craig do hot yoga, swiftly scolding himself as he stepped into the shower, legs like overly salty jelly beneath him, itching painfully under his weight. The hot water soothed him slightly, as he leant against his tiled bathroom wall, savouring the moment.

After getting dressed, and feeding Betsy a well-deserved can of tuna, he decided to go and see Joseph. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. He made his way over there and knocked twice, waiting longer than expected. Joseph answered eventually, but he didn’t look too happy about it, expression stern and…uncomfortable.

“ _What_?” Joseph asked.

Was he still mad about the door?

“Uh, I was just…seeing what you were up to,” Robert said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. He never knew how to act in these types of situations.

Joseph sighed loudly, emphasising his mood. “I’m busy,” he stated, “If you have nothing to say, then I assume you can show yourself out.”

If Joseph was in a bad mood, it was probably best not to push him. “Alright…then,” he said, turning to leave as he heard the door slam behind him.

Well, _that_ cancels out _that_ option. Guess he’d have to find some other way to entertain himself. Robert entered his house once again, welcomed by Betsy, his faithful and trusty hound. Her face was covered in tuna, and that was definitely prevalent as she leaped up to lick him.

‘Welcoming’, huh? He couldn’t say the same about a certain blonde acquaintance. Was that all they were? _Acquaintances_? Joseph sure acted like it sometimes. Robert gave Betsy a hearty stomach rub, and grabbed his phone from the bathroom, where he had left it.

One new message. From Mary. He hadn’t even been sure that she’d used social media, he just assumed she stalked whoever she was looked for, and jumped out at them from a darkened alleyway. It sounded more her style.

The message didn’t say much, just a simple ‘meet me at the bar later, we need to talk’.

It sounded mildly ominous, but honestly, what didn’t when it came to Mary. Robert smirked to himself at this, and pocketed his phone, deciding to take Betsy for a walk while he waited. Then proceeded to watch Tv into the late afternoon.

Once he was certain the bar was officially open, he made his way over. Mary probably wouldn’t be there yet, but, he was a little _too_ excited to leave his house. The sun had just started to set as he entered Jim and Kim’s, still confused as to who the hell _those_ people were, because they definitely did _not_ work here.

It was fairly quiet, only a few stragglers here and there, far too eager to get here right when it had opened, much like himself. Robert sat down at the bar, his favourite drinking spot – the closest spot to his primary source of sustenance. Neil looked at him warily from across the bar, drying a glass in that generic bartender kind of way.

“Bit early,” Neil stated, eyes quickly returning to the glass in hand.

“I’d have been here earlier, but you were closed,” Robert joked in reply, resting his arms on the counter, to which Neil acknowledged with a perturbed glance.

“Funny,” Neil huffed, placing the glass somewhere beneath the bar, before grabbing a shot glass, and sliding it in front of him. “The usual, I assume?”

Robert raised an eyebrow. “Am I that predictable?”

“It isn’t that hard to peg down the regulars,” Neil said, grabbing a bottle of whiskey, and filling the shot glass, careful not to spill any, but apt enough to get it as close as he could to the brim.

Robert downed the shot, savouring the sting as he placed it in front of him, nodding in Neil’s direction. “Keep ‘em coming.”

Neil grimaced slightly, filling the glass again, and watching as Robert swiftly downed the second.

“What?” Robert asked licking his lips. “Yano, you’re pretty judgy for a bartender.”

“Hey, I’m not judging anything,” Neil said, raising his hands in faux surrender, “I just know when something’s wrong, that’s all.”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just…” Robert started, cutting himself off as he stared into the shot glass in front of him, willing it to fill itself and give him a plausible ‘out’ to this conversation. Not happening, he would not be like those girls in the movies who cried to the bartender about their love lives. “I just…I’m not feeling too good.”

Neil said nothing more, and simply nodded, refilling his glass. Hopefully he understood what Robert was putting down and wouldn’t press any further, although, if it was anything like the movies, he would. Then he would proceed to tell Robert that _everything_ was going to be alright, even though it clearly wasn’t, just to give him a false sense of hope.

It’s what people were supposed to do for some reason, a reason Robert couldn’t fathom. _Lie_ to people to make them feel better, and ending up hurting them in the process when they find out that everything isn’t actually alright. It would never be alright.

They were just living a lie.

Robert had managed to down another two before he heard the far too familiar clack of heels, and turned to see Mary sidling up to him. He smirked at her, but she didn’t return it, face taking on a more serious expression. Guess she wouldn’t be his pick-me-up. Maybe he’d have to cry to Neil, after all.

Was everyone in a bad mood today, or just people that knew Robert personally? Maybe it was just one of those days like St. Patricks day or… _Halloween_.

Robert hated Halloween – shocker there. Strangers coming to _his_ door, trying to steal _his_ candy. It was unfathomable, inhumane, _completely_ unchristian and he would _not_ stand for it. He would always end up shutting off the lights and hiding until the dreaded occasion was over.

Mary crossed her arms on the counter, much like himself, but more reserved. The usual sadistic glint in her eye was no longer present, and her complexion was a little worse for wear. Before he could ask any questions, Mary raised her hand, a signal to Neil, who swiftly grabbed another glass, placing it in front of her.

He filled it, just like he had Roberts, and watched as Mary downed it, eyes closed in a feeble attempt to escape. Robert knew that feelings all too well, and he was also familiar with how that feeling ate away at you – slowly – until you were no more than a drunk husk of what you used to be. Depression and solitude were the only things to keep you company at night, other than the bottom of a bottle.

They both sat in silence for a while, basking in nothing but each other’s presence, the unintelligible murmurs of other patron’s white noise between them. After a long, drawn out breath, Mary finally spoke.

“There are things I can’t tell you,” she said, as if it pained her just to say those words alone.

Robert smirked in jest, and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, naturally. There are _things_ I can’t tell you either.”

“You know I don’t mean it like that,” Mary sighed, clearly getting tired of Roberts carefree attitude. “I’m trying to be serious here.”

“Then be serious,” Robert replied, motioning for Neil to refill his glass, “If you’re gonna say something, then just _say_ it. Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot.”

Mary’s eyes narrowed as she stared at him, grabbing his newly poured shot, and downing it. _Oh_ , so that’s how she wanted to play this, _huh_? He would usually be game, but it looked like she needed it more than him right now, so he’d let it slide. Just this once.

“I want to tell you,” Mary started, looking off to the side, “but I can’t.”

Robert sighed. “Then why are we talking about this right now? Why are you bringing it up?” he asked, confusion and intrigue front and centre in his mind. She was always so smooth with her words, avoiding the important parts, and leaving him with nothing but adjectives.

“Because…” Mary said, turning to face him finally, their eyes meeting in a warm blur of noise, “because I need to leave.”

“Leave?” Robert asked, raising an eyebrow, “but you just got here…I thought you wanted to talk?”

“ _Leave_. As in this _place_ ,” Mary said, voice cracking slightly, “I…need to get out of here…start again somewhere…somewhere new, somewhere _far_ away from here.”

She sounded frantic, as if she didn’t have much time, and it sent a chill down Roberts spine. He had never seen her like this, and he never wanted to again.

“Mary,” Robert stated abruptly, placing a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, “tell me what’s wrong. Are you in trouble? We can figure this out together – “

“No!” Mary yelled, pulling out of his grasp, and causing a few people to look their way, “no…I-I have to go alone.”

“Mary – “

“It’s not…negotiable, Robert,” she said, holding her bag tightly to her, “I came to tell you…to say goodbye. That’s all. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Mary went to stand, to leave, but Robert grabbed her arm again, desperation in his grip.

“Don’t…” he pleaded, causing Mary to turn to him again, clearly taken aback. “Don’t…leave me…I, I need you.”

Mary opened her mouth to speak, but stopped, closing her eyes in what Robert could only describe as a subtle acceptance of fate. She pulled out of his grasp again, and this time, he let her, arm falling limply beside him. “Goodbye, Robert.”

And with that, she was gone.

Robert nodded to Neil to pour him another, as Neil looked on in sympathy. But, thankfully, he hadn’t decided to cut him off just yet, and let Robert wallow in his own self-pity.

Why did everyone always end up leaving him? Was he that terrible of a person? Was he simply doomed to be alone? Maybe he should just give up altogether, and accept the solitude. Embrace it with open arms, and relax into painful memories of the past.

Robert had begun to lose his balance on shot twelve, and was forced to leave the bar via Neil himself. He wouldn't lie, he had cursed a little when he’d been thrown out, and maybe, possibly threatened to eat all of Neil’s food the next time he was away. But, he was having a surprisingly bad evening – and afternoon, so, it was totally justified.

Robert stumbled down an alley, collapsing into a pile of trash. He grumbled and turned onto his back, blinking through the street lights. Voices and laughter could be heard at the end of the alley, as people walked by, completely ignorant of his presence.

How fitting.

Robert wished it to be more – wished it _could_ be more. But, it would always end up like _this_. Drunk and alone, passed out in a pile of garbage. It was expected of him, and he willingly gave it to those who thought so. He was destined for this. It would always be like… _this_.

A melancholy acceptance of fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roberts sexual preference is anyone that shows him the slightest bit of warmth and affection.  
> Also, I really want to see Robert in a tracksuit for some reason, I feel like he'd look like one of those enthusiastic soccer dads who always wears sunglasses, even when it's raining.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates weekly - depending on my will to live.


End file.
